The wounds of rejection, abandonment, betrayal, injustice and humiliation are the 5 soul wounds that prevent you from being yourself according to bestselling author Lise Bourbeau. His secrets to fight them.
THE 5 soul wounds are the rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal and injustice. These wounds prevent us from being peaceful and serene in our lives. On the contrary, starting a process to heal them allowsbe more sincere towards oneself and others,improve relationships with others, regain your energy mental and physical, reduce fears associated with injuries, rreduce one’s guilt,improve their mental health and physical. Advice from Lise Bourbeauspecializing in personal development and bestselling author “The 5 wounds that prevent you from being yourself” And “The Healing of the 5 Wounds“, to heal his wounds of the soul.
1. Accepting your ego, the origin of soul wounds
“There first stage towards the healing of wounds is to accept that the ego is presentthat it can direct your behavior and your perceptions” supports our interlocutor. All the wounds of the soul are linked to the ego. “The ego reflects our perception or interpretation of facts not what someone is or does. The ego is an outgrowth of the mental body: the ego is made of mental energy” continues Lise Bourbeau. The ego feeds on everything we have learned since our childhood, in our past. For example, any situation that he considers to be a danger because it has been experienced in this way in the past continues to be so. “Our beliefs are for the ego an absolute truth” adds our interlocutor. When you experience fears and emotions, which are manifestations of the ego to avoid suffering an injury, your mental energy is exhausted. “The ego is all those beliefs that keep you from being yourself.“. Sothe ego feeds the fear of the image that we send back, the fear of not being loved, of not being recognized, of being wrong” says the expert.
2. Knowing how to spot the ego when it manifests itself
To heal from the wounds of the soul, it is necessary to identify the situations where the ego takes over. Some tips for identifying the ego:
► The ego uses the superlative : every time we exaggerate. “You are always busy at work, even at home you are never there when I need you” Or “you never understand anything, I always have to repeat” are example sentences that manifest ego activation.
► The ego uses the “must” or the conditional mode. “I have to stop being so greedy, I need to quit smoking” or “How I wish I could answer in the same tone as him.”
► The ego is identified with “having” (goods, money, talent) and to “do” (I am a doctor, business manager, I am the wife of Doctor X)
► The ego seeks compliments and recognition. “Tell your loved ones everything you did during the day without them asking“, “Say the price of what you buy when it’s something expensive”, “Offer to pay for the restaurant when you can’t afford it” are situations in which the ego is looking for compliments and recognition.
► The ego does not know how to listen : he jumps to conclusions, speaks in place of a person or interrupts.
“When we are angry with someone, when we want to change this person in reality, it is us who we want to change”
► The ego justify and defend because he considers that it is always the fault of others, he constantly searches for a culprit. “I can’t trust men anymore. I had 3 spouses and they all cheated on me. It’s because of them that I find myself alone” Or “If I had had parents who took better care of me, I wouldn’t be going through all these problems today”.
► The ego is not in the present moment, he dwells on the past and dreams of a better future. “If I hadn’t done that…then…”.
► The ego manifests itself in the guilt : as soon as a small inner voice whispers “I shouldn’t have eaten that second slice of cake”, “I shouldn’t have said that“. We are then in a judgmental behavior about right and wrong.
► The ego is in the comparison “Why am I not as pretty as my sister?
► The ego is revealed by physical ailments. “When your body suffers, for example, from stiffness, hardening of the joints, arteries, constipation… it’s the ego that wants to be right“underlines Lise Bourbeau.
“Finally, as soon as there is a discomfort, that I feel guilty, that I have a negative and accusatory thought, I am in the ego. When you blame someone, that we want to change this person in reality it is us that we want to change. Others show us what we do not accept of ourselves. In these cases, the ego tells us “I’m not like that”“develops our interlocutor.
“The other is not there to meet your expectations”
3. Take responsibility
Once you know how to spot your ego and realize that you reacted because of it, you have to take responsibility and not shift the blame on the other. “Take his responsibilities allow us to admit that no one in the world is in your life to answer your expectations and that these come from the lack of love of yourself” adds Lise Bourbeau. To go further, ask yourself:
► What do I feel in this situation ?
► What am I afraid of ?
► Who is I judge or I accuse in this situation ?
Then be caring. For examplewhen you make a mistake, instead of feeling guilty, take the time to accept the consequences and reconcile with each other via the mirror technique, in other words put oneself in another’s place.
► By focusing on their expectations a mother will be able to reproach her daughter for her lack of listening. By positioning herself in her daughter’s place, she will be able to observe that her reproaches are based on her own expectations and fears, and that her daughter’s reproaches are also nourished by her respective expectations and fears. Finally, forgive yourself by allowing yourself to make mistakes and feeling compassion for yourself. “Loving you means the right to be as you are right now” notes the expert who defends a posture of benevolence.
“The goal is to learn to live with your injuries so that they impact us as little as possible”
4. Get help from the close entourage
The close entourage can help us identify the moments when the ego takes over without our being aware of it: through sentences and expressions, through our body language (expressions on the face, gaze)… Find someone who knows you well and is able to tell you the truth. Ask him to point out to you when you use expressions like:
- Me I
- I know it, I knew it
- I’m sure, I was sure
- I told you
- Yes, but or Nobut indicating a rationale
- Listen (meaning I’m right)
- Do you understand what I just said ? (meaning I’m right)
- Me, I succeeded in that, Me, I overcame that
“The person can ask his entourage to bring him what she gives off physically in certain situations through gestures, gaze. Some people close themselves off when they feel unwell, others pretend to be fine with a passive face, also watch the way of speaking, a language passive aggressive for example takes on ego“underlines our expert.
Is it possible to completely heal wounds of the soul?
It is a constant work that does not really have an “end”. “The ego will always be present, the wounds too, we will always experience situations of rejection, humiliation, abandonment... continues Lise Bourbeau. There is no question of deleting them but to learn to live with them so that they impact us as little as possible in our personal relationship and in our relationships with others”.
Each case is different, but these few tips can help you limit the impact of the ego in a situation that activates a wound:
► Learn to react less and less impulsively to a situation.
► Accept your mistakes and the mistakes of others.
► Get help by mental health professionals.
► Persevere a little bit each day to see the long-term benefits.
► Take the time tobe grateful.
Thanks to Lise Bourbeau, specialist in personal development and author of the book “The 5 wounds that prevent you from being yourself” and “The healing of the 5 wounds”.