Family traditions that return year after year can be something nice. But as life changes, sometimes the traditions have to too, and then conflicts can arise, explains Anna Bennich, psychologist.
– This is happening more now, than if you look back in history, because we are more changeable. It is much more common that we have bonus families and such, and therefore a little more adaptation is required, she says.
According to Anna, families with children should have priority when it comes to which traditions should be followed and which can be skipped.
Prioritize families with children
– It is very difficult to try to adapt to traditions that do not suit a family that has suddenly had several children. It can be about bedtimes and how much you can throw around, she says.
It can also be good to ask yourself how important a conflict is and look up.
– Yesterday when I couldn’t sleep, I read about Ukraine, for example, and what it looks like there now. There are quite a few traditions that people there, or in other war-affected areas, don’t get to do. If you get really irritated and angry and Christmas Eve is about to be ruined, maybe you can think about it, says Anna.
Adjust expectations
Many couples want to spend their free time in different ways – some want to be with their entire extended family, while others just want to be with their small family. Then you may have to adjust your expectations, says Anna.
– Maybe you shouldn’t expect Christmas break just on Christmas Eve. Unfortunately, peace does not come by itself, you have to plan for free time and recovery. You may also need to review how the workload looks, so all family members are equally recovered when it’s time to start again, she says.
– We also don’t have to do everything together, even if it’s Christmas break. It is actually possible to split up.
Although it can be tough with family, it can be even tougher to be all alone. Not everyone has loved ones around them during the Christmas holiday, and it can be important to remember that during Christmas, when you get crazy about the ones you love, says Anna.
– Maybe it can be a gift that you actually have relatives to be annoyed with, because not everyone has that. A good question to ask yourself is, “Who do I have around me that I can reach out to?” she says.
How can you deal with loneliness during Christmas?
– I think it is important, if you are alone, to remember that Christmas Eve and Christmas Day have 24 hours, just like any other day. And think about how to get through the day in the least bad way. There is also volunteer work you can do, which is incredibly good.
Finally, Anna raises the issue of alcohol, which is a common feature during Christmas. Something that can lead to us losing judgment and control.
– It becomes very difficult for the children when parents suddenly slur or behave differently and can be very frightening. Here, I think you can decide in advance about a restriction on how much you drink, she says.