Why are there clouds in the sky? Why is he crying?… The why period affects many children. By asking questions on a whole host of topics, parents can sometimes feel overwhelmed. At what age does it occur? How long does this period last? Answers with Florence Millot, child psychologist.
It is well known, most young children do not have their tongue in their pocket and do not hesitate to ask questions about everything. This phase has a name, the age of “why” which occurs from about 3 years of age. This is a completely normal stage of child development. He wonders about various subjects and opposite, he waits for his parents to answer all his questions. But for adults, it’s not always easy to follow the rhythm and even know what to answer to your child, especially when he asks questions on delicate subjects. How long does this why period last? How to cope ? Florence Millot, child psychologist, enlightens us.
AT what age begins the age of “Why ?“?
The age of “whys” usually starts between 3 years and 3 and a half yearsexplains Florence Millot. “Before, he didn’t talk much, so now that he has access to language, he wants to ask questions of all kinds”she adds. This is also the time when the child begins to be curious of what surrounds him. “VSis the first impulse of knowledge, he wants to understand the world and its world“.
For there psychologist, this step can also be important for adults. “VSIt’s the period of existential questions, and sometimes for us, parents, too, it’s worth immersing ourselves in questions of life, on what is essential to find our child’s soul”.
“From the age of 3, as soon as the child has access to language, he wants to ask questions of all kinds.”
How long does the why phase last?
The why phase can last several months or several years. From a child development perspective, this may extend up to 6 years old. “The child, between 3 and 6 years old, is naturally on a quest to understand the world. He is interested in everything, everything motivates him. It’s really the breeding ground for learning, for understanding the world around him, but also asking more existential questions, for example about death, and understanding what his place is in the family.”details the specialist.
What is the age of “whys” in children?
The age of “whys” is an important stage in child developmentsince it is his questions that will encourage him to learn. When he asks questions, he wants to listen to the answer and go further. According to the psychologist, “vsis a bit the engine of his curiosity“. Giving him answers and stimulating him is therefore important, so that he is motivated to continue learning new things as he grows up. The “why” period is also a way to prepare for school sinceseeing that he is answered when he asks questions, he will more easily dare to intervene in class to ask that something be re-explained to him that he has not understood.
The age of “Why” aid also the child at the relational level. When he asks a question, it can be addressed to his parents, but also to people he knows less, or even very little. “VSis a way for the child to enter into a relationship with others“, says Florence Millot. he can Also there is an emotional connection that develops. “When we talk with the child, we take pleasure in sharing things. There is also a certain pride for the child when we look for an answer together. A moment of complicity is shared during these trades”, she adds.
When the child asks a question, you have to answer him with simple words, pictures, make little drawings, or try to make a connection with something he already knows. “AT this age, the child needs a lot of imagination. If we stay in something too stuck to reality, too explanatory, it does not interest him necessarily”says the expert.
If the subject is too difficult to discuss, like death for example, you have to explain to him how you feel or offer to help him find an answer. “He does not necessarily need precise answers, but he needs to be given this kind of motivation, of curiosity to try to analyze the things”, details Florence Millot.
“For what the gentleman has no arms?“, “For what the lady speaks strangely?“… Faced with this type of question, which can make some parents uncomfortable, theThe first thing to do is to explain to the child “that you should avoid saying this kind of thing because it can offend”advise there psychologist. Then, away from the world, we can explain to the child more precisely whytelling him that some things can hurt to hear, and that sometimes it’s better to just say them in his head.
“Fortunatelyit is generally a fairly short phase. The child quickly understands, when it is explained to him and by seeing the reaction of his parents, that he no longer needs to say”. In this case, another very important thing is to explain to him that everyone has their differences. According to the expert, he must be helped to understand that this difference is a strength, not only so that he knows that all people are beautiful and that he is not mean to them, but also so that he does not not complex growing up.
During the age of “Why“, your child may also question your instructions. “For what should I go brush my teeth?“, “For what should I go to bed now?“… In this case, the specialist advises parents to tell him why once, but not to answer him every time. “A once the parent has explained once in a simple way, he does not have to justify himself systematicallybecause the child risks entering into permanent negotiations for everything, and this increases the tension in the parent. Sometimes tell him ‘because it’s like That’that’s enough, and it can be good to decide, because the child is totally able to hear it Also”she adds.
When he grows up, around 5-6 yearsthe child may feel a sense of injustice. SO, “a once we have laid down the prohibition and stuck to it, we can come back to it and explain”. But it has to be done “only if there is a need”And “ask the child if he wants to talk about it again, because this is not always the case”supports the psychologist.
Sometimes also the child will ask the same question several times even though he knows the answer. If you know that he understood the first explanations, the psychologist recommends return the question to himthat’s to say “he you have to ask him what he thinks about it, tell him that we forgot the answer and ask him if he can help you. Kids love it when they can help!”
What to do when you don’t want to answer the child’s questions?
When we are busy or tired, we can not wanting to answer the child’s many questions. In this case, you shouldn’t feel guilty. The first thing to do is to “always value the child and tell him that his question is interesting”, begins the specialist. We then tell him why we can’t give him an answer immediately, offering to talk about it later.
If the child is old enough, he can be offered to find the answer to the question in a book. Other times, you may not want to follow up on your question because it is painful. Florence Millot recommends telling her how you feel, because “Ichild can understand it easily”