One, Michal Halev, originally from the bucolic town of Pardès Hanna in Israel and expatriated to New Jersey, lost Laor, her only 20-year-old son, killed during the Tribe of Nova music festival on October 7. The other, Ahmed Helou, originally from Gaza, raised in the West Bank and father of four children, deplores the death of nearly sixty members of his extended family in the Palestinian enclave since the start of the Israeli military response. Both met via screens this May 12 on the occasion of “Remembrance Day”, a national tribute to the soldiers who fell at the front and to the victims of terrorism.
The event that brings Michal and Ahmed together this Sunday is organized each year by the Circle of Parents, a forum bringing together some 700 members of bereaved Palestinian and Israeli families, all of whom have lost a loved one in this conflict between two peoples.
For 19 years, this gathering, criticized by some, has been anchored in the memorial landscape of the two civil societies and has been held in person in Tel Aviv. In 2018, the great writer David Grossman, whose son was killed in action during the Second Lebanon War, was the keynote speaker. “No one can teach others about mourning. Please respect our choice,” he then declared, following attempts by several dozen radical right activists to disrupt the ceremony, protected by law enforcement.
“Abysmal losses”
But following the tragedy of October 7, in a context of long-lasting war and unparalleled trauma, changes were necessary this year. “We decided to organize this ceremony only online: there is so much suffering and abysmal loss on both sides,” explains Robi Damelin, spokesperson for the Parents’ Circle. The one who mourns her son David, shot dead in 2002 by a sniper Palestinian, evokes the restrictions on movement suffered by Palestinians in the West Bank since the start of the violence, who could not have obtained permits to go to the event dedicated this year to “children in war”.
While last year, the joint ceremony attracted some 15,000 participants and was viewed by nearly 200,000 Internet users from around the world, This time it took place in a small group in the Givat Haviva educational center, and was pre-recorded on May 8 out of sight.
In the auditorium, nearly 250 people listened, for an hour and a half, while wiping away tears, to the stories of relatives of the victims on both sides of the conflict. Faced with this audience, Palestinian speakers appeared on a large screen, while speeches in Hebrew and Arabic were interspersed with musical performances by artists from both communities.
In the shadow of this double tragedy, can the voices of individual mourning help to restart a dialogue, mutual empathy, and generate any hope to break this infernal cycle? For the Givat Haviva audience, this is a certainty. “I am not an activist, it matters to me that my personal pain can contribute to a collective healing process. But for me, the spirit of revenge is a story that does not work,” Michal Halev, the mother of Laor, killed by Hamas on October 7 as he began working on the turntables following in the footsteps of his father, a well-known DJ in Israel.
“My paternal grandfather died during the Revolutionary War [en 1948], continues this 47-year-old brunette who looks like a student, who has not been able to resume her work as a therapist for seven months. His first wife was killed in an attack at Ben Gurion airport in 1972, we are the third generation of bereaved families and we are not the only ones. We are paying an exorbitant price on both sides. There are no winners in a war.”
His Palestinian counterpart Ahmed Helou, 52, participated in this moment of contemplation from Jericho, in the West Bank. He shows a completely different journey. “At the age of 15, I wanted to fight the occupation,” he tells us over the phone. “I joined the local Hamas movement, threw stones and made flags – at that time, the Palestinian flag was illegal. In 1992, I was sentenced to seven months in Israeli military prison as a political detainee.
Incarcerated during the Oslo Accords (signed in September 1993), Ahmed Helou discovered that there was another way, participated in several seminars with Israelis, and joined the Fighters for Peace, a platform made up of former soldiers and Palestinian prisoners who have laid down their arms and work every day for a peaceful end to the conflict.
Between 1998 and 2021, Ahmed only managed to travel to Gaza City twice, notably to visit his sick sister, whom his family is still trying to evacuate. Since October 7, despite his grief and frustration, Ahmed Helou has not renounced his convictions, even if they place him in an even more difficult position. “The relationships I have with Jewish Israelis raise eyebrows in my environment,” he says. “But I remain optimistic, I believe in non-violence: we can live on this land, equal and safe.”
End of a “political coma”
Invited to speak in Givat Haviva, Yonatan Zeigen, the son of peace activist Viviane Silver, assassinated by Hamas on October 7 in her kibbutz of Be’eri, illustrates another type of commitment. The history of his activism reflects that of the entire constellation of associations working for Israeli-Palestinian civil dialogue. Following in his mother’s footsteps, he campaigned at the age of 20 in the East Jerusalem neighborhood of Sheikh Jarrah, volunteered with the “Rabbins for Human Rights”, got involved in “Fighters for peace,” admires lawyer Michael Sfard, specializing in the defense of Palestinian residents.
“I chose to study law, but I had children, the peace evaporated and then I sank into a political coma,” confesses Yonatan Zeigen, who also participated in the activities of the Parents’ Circle. . “This time, I am really in mourning,” he slips. “I am tackling the mistake committed. If, like my mother, everyone had engaged in pacifist activity, before being hit by fate in a personal way, we might not have arrived at October 7. Unfortunately, all we have to do is try to prevent a future October 7. I refuse to accept the idea that the loss. that I suffered would be an integral part of a conflict that could not be resolved peacefully.”
Viviane Silver was notably part of the Road to Recovery (R2R) association, thanks to which Israeli volunteers are responsible for accompanying Palestinian patients to hospitals in the Jewish state. “Since October 7, we can no longer transport patients from Gaza,” said its founder, Yuval Roth, after attending the alternative Remembrance Day ceremony. Cabinetmaker and juggler, this septuagenarian joined the Circle of Bereaved Parents after losing his brother Udi, killed in October 1993 upon returning from a mission as a reservist in the Gaza Strip. “This horror will perhaps lead to something new, in civil activism and also on the political level, if a leader with a real vision can emerge. We need new voices,” adds the initiator of the The R2R association, which counts eight victims – killed or kidnapped on October 7 – in its ranks.
Another reason for hope for Yuval Roth: the Arabs of Israel (20% of the population) did not abandon the Jews during these terrible events. Quite the contrary. Resident of Saint Jean D’Acre, and former senior executive of Apple, Loui Haj made it a point of honor to make the trip for the joint ceremony. The poems written in English on his Facebook account since October 7 have brought some consolation to many mourners, and earned him this invitation. His last aphorism, posted on May 12, directly refers to Remembrance Day, the eve of the 76th anniversary of the independence of the State of Israel, which this year can hardly be celebrated with joy: “Honor the dead in defending peace, transforming their sacrifices into the foundation of a better future.