While some children are surrounded by many friends, others, on the contrary, have more difficulty connecting with others. Why and how to encourage them to meet new people?
Seeing your child playing alone in the playground is often a source of worry for parents. A child may be a bit of a dreamer and need to be in his own world, but he must nevertheless be in contact with other children and have at least one or two friends. “Some adults have more friends than others, but are lonelier. But with children it’s different because they learn to enter the world and socialize.” explains Florence Millot, psychologist and educational psychologist.
There are several reasons why a child may have difficulty making friends.. “Parents play a very important role. Did they have difficulty entrusting the child when he was a baby? Were they worried by nature? The parent’s temperament also has an impact, especially if he or she is very shy.“, explains the psychologist. Other reasons can influence the child’s ability to form friendships, for example if he lacks self-confidence or is experiencing a complicated situation at home: divorce, mourning, violence.But the opposite is also true! A child can have a lot of friends to compensate for the emotional lack“, recalls Florence Millot. Finally, the child’s personality and interests also play a role in their ability to bond with others.”A child who is out of step because of his tastes, a gifted child may have difficulty connecting with others because he does not have the same interests.”, specifies the psychologist.
So how can you help him make friends? Concretely, this involves very concrete things. “With a little one at the park, we remain discreet, but we can come to the edge of the sandbox, play discreetly by handing the shovel and bucket to another child. Seeing his parent enter into a relationship, the child will imitate. After a few minutes, the parent returns to the bench to let the child play.“, suggests the psychologist.”For older children, don’t hesitate to make friends with other parents, offer a snack, an outing to the park, a sleepover“, recommends Florence Millot. Other interesting initiatives to help him make friends: enroll him in a sports club, an activity, a summer camp, send him from time to time to his grandparents so that the child sees his cousins there for example.
If your child has no friends, there is no need to worry, reassures the specialist. However, you must be vigilant about everything that is happening around you, especially if the situation weighs on you on a daily basis. “The idea is not to intervene right away, but rather to let the child make his own mark, make his own experiments to see how he can find his resources on his own.“advises Florence Millot. “On the other hand, when we see that the child is suffering, it is important to intervene. Don’t hesitate to ask for help from other friends, other parents, or even a professional.”she adds. You can also share your concerns with the teacher, ask her to look at what is happening, and take stock together.
“If the child is unhappy, there may be a hidden message behind these difficulties. We must therefore try to identify it. By being alone, the child is also trying to attract attention“, observes the psychologist. Even if they are very present and attentive, a parent cannot see everything about their child. “A session or two with a psychologist, sometimes with the family, may be enough. It also shows the child that we are worried and that we will not leave him alone“, concludes Florence Millot.