How to answer the question “Mom, how are babies made?” Sébastien Garnero, psychologist-sexologist, gives us his advice on the right way to explain the concept of conception to children, depending on their age.
“Mom, dad, how are babies made?” This is the question that comes up with all children, who need to understand how they were conceived before coming into the world. So as not to be caught off guard, and to use the right words to explain to her how babies are madehere are some tips for answer him well according to his age. Obviously, we are not going to approach the subject in the same way with a toddler and a slightly older child. The advice of Sébastien Garnero, psychologist-sexologist, university lecturer at Paris V.
How are babies made ? What does it mean to be pregnant? Why your belly is growing and how it will come out of your belly, baby ? In principle, this kind of birth issues occur around 3 or 4 years oldwhen the child begins to wonder about the difference between the sexes, that is to say what makes him a boy or a girl. “Questions that often go hand in hand with anatomical representation and comparison when they begin to socialize upon entering school” analyzes Sébastien Garnero, psychologist-sexologist, university lecturer at Paris V.
Sometimes a little before, for example, when a little brother or a little sister arrives in the family. A question that also reflects a need to understand its origin “How did I come to earth?” says the psychologist.
In the youngest, around the age of 3 or 4 years, not yet having the anatomical representation,“it is useless to anticipate or go too much into the details of knowledge that has not yet been acquired” advises Sébastien Garnero. The explanation therefore remains minimalist by saying, for example, that it is the love and the cuddles between the two parents which made it possible to grow a magic seed in the belly of the mother.
Towards 4 or 5 yearsthe child will have a better awareness of his body: he knows if he is a girl or a boy, if he has a penis or not. “He also generally understood that a baby develops in the womb of the mother” explains Dr. Garnero, who then suggests being more precise at the bodily level and also to evoke the intentionality : during the hug, the parents deposit a seed in the belly of the mother, which will grow and become a baby.
From 6 years oldyou can detail the process a little more: dad places the seed in mom’s belly where there is a small pocket to make babies. A way of evoking without specifically naming them the sperm (the seed) and theuterus (the pocket).
Around 7 years old, your child is more mature at the neurological and physiological level, it begins to integrate the mechanism of sexuality and often wants to understand more precisely: Where does the seed enter? Where does it come from? How do babies develop in the womb? Especially since he imagines his own scenario. Thus, some imagine that you can get pregnant by swallowing something, by talking to each other, by exchanging a kiss and that you can give birth by going to the toilet.
“It is important that he understands that the fetus will grow for 9 months and not be born overnight.”
At 8 years oldthe children have already often approached the question in a more or less roundabout way in the schoolyards, so we will be able to use more specific vocabulary again and talk about those famous lovers’ hugs that can lead to the conception of a baby. “We then take care to distinguish them well, that he understands that it is a question of loving hugs, exclusively between parents” emphasizes the psychologist.
Finally, when preadolescence, between 10 and 15 years old, this questioning translates a need to know more about his identity. Your child then has a plus great knowledge of the reproductive organsso you can raise with him the question of procreation. It is also a good time to discuss broader topics such as the arrival of menstruation in girls and first ejaculations in boys.
Does your child seem satisfied with your explanation? No need to go deeper. The hardest part, especially with the older ones, is to inform them without being too intrusive to preserve their privacy and not make them uncomfortable. Nevertheless, nor is it a question of tabooing the body and sexuality because by refusing to answer him, we take the risk that he imagines something completely different, sometimes negative and no longer dares to approach it. Especially since the question of procreation also responds to that of one’s identity, of one’s affiliation. It is therefore important to talk about it freely and clearly by finding the right moment, because you do not start such a subject at the supermarket checkout.
To help you find the words, do not hesitate to go to a bookstore where there is a whole literature devoted to birth and adapted to the different ages of the child. Relying on a book can be a good mediation to approach the subject more easily.
- The work “I really know how babies are made!“, to the editions gulf stream offers an approach in the form of comics, for children from 6 years old.
- The book of my birth, or How babies are made, published by Gründ is also a good way to approach the subject with the little ones. This interactive album hides many surprises, which allow little readers to better understand the stages from conception to birth.
Thanks to Sébastien Garnero, psychologist-sexologist, university lecturer at Paris V