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Do you care about your love or friendship? According to a Harvard University psychiatrist, maintaining harmony can be summed up in one important sentence. To remember on a daily basis.
Over time with our loved ones, whether we are talking about romantic, family or friendly ties, it is normal to go through moments of tension or incomprehension. But if you do not want to see your relationships collapse, you sometimes have to know how to take a step back! According to Dr. Frank Anderson, a Harvard psychiatrist, interviewed in the podcast Open Relationship: Transforming Together, There is a phrase that can save the day and continue on good terms. A phrase that would work in any type of important relationship.
The only sentence that must intervene to save the relationship
In the midst of conflict, we often tend to react in the same way: we blame others for our reactions, our suffering. But for the psychiatrist, these are only our responsibility. We are responsible for our own feelings.
To truly move forward in a responsible and adult relationship, it is then necessary to know how to say “I am the problem, it’s me.”
“It means you admit that you have flaws and that you need to work on those imperfections.” says the psychiatrist. It’s also a way to take time for yourself and identify what triggers an argument or a coldness in you. Dr. Anderson also suggests repeating a truth to yourself: “When it’s intense, it’s because it concerns you.”
Ask yourself about your own reaction
So, to save a relationship it is essential to understand one’s own reactions.When people disagree, it’s easy for things to escalate quickly. We want to be right, and we want our feelings to be heard. However, when these moments arise, you need to ask yourself an important question: Why am I reacting this way?”
Why are you exploding? Why does a certain word make you so angry? ? Has a past experience led you to feel this way? It becomes necessary to take stock.
Feeling good in your body, feeling good in your head!
Recognizing “your” problem to let go
Asking these questions may seem like a lot. However, identifying your triggers is the first step to saving almost any relationship. “If you don’t understand your triggers, you’ll have a hard time overcoming them. More importantly, you’ll have a hard time preventing these triggers from harming your life and relationships in the future.” emphasizes the doctor.
If you don’t understand the source of your anger, you can learn to reflect on yourself with the help of a therapist, but self-reflection, meditation, or journaling can also help.
However, work on yourself will be necessary to maintain good understanding: “Until you recognize and have compassion for the reactivity within yourself, you will likely have difficulty fully learning the let go” concludes the expert.
Slide: The keys to a healthy argument