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Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical Psychologist)
If the ideal partner does not exist, a human quality in the other would seem to be the key to a fulfilling relationship. Decryption.
Funny, handsome, sociable, charimastic… When looking for love, many qualities seem essential. Except that according to the results of a study published in the journal “Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin”, only one value would really be important…
Self-improvement as a key asset
Contrary to popular belief, it is neither common points nor lifestyle that would allow a couple to be happy.
Indeed, according to a group of Dutch scientists – who measured the link between personal values and the quality of romantic relationships by pooling data from 5 studies – it would be one quality (and only one!) that would make the difference. And it would be… surpassing oneself.
“The study found that adherence to self-transcendence values—values that encourage us to act for the good of others and to look beyond our own needs—was strongly and consistently associated with improved romantic relationship quality.“, the newspaper reveals. Psychology Today.
And for good reason: in everyday love, surpassing oneself – and all the values associated with it (reliability, kindness, concern for others, etc.) – would result in mutual support and deep empathy.
When both partners advocate these values, they would even tend to perceive conflicts as opportunities to improve their relationship.
Cultivating self-improvement would thus present a triple advantage: fighting against one’s own blockages (fear, doubt, uncertainty, etc.), working on one’s self-esteem and facing with more serenity the challenges that arise within the couple.
“Interestingly, prioritizing self-enhancement values is not associated with lower relationship quality, quite the contrary.“, confirm the researchers.
The quality to look for in a partner according to our expert
If researchers claim that surpassing oneself is beneficial in a relationship between two people, and motivates us to act for the good of others, Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, affirms that it is reliability that must predominate in the loved one.
“The most important quality to look for in a partner, I would say, is neither intelligence, nor humor, nor even passion – but rather reliability. It is this silent constancy, this stable foundation that, in my opinion, allows a relationship to flourish over time and in balance,” she confides.
“Reliability isn’t just about keeping your promises, it’s an attitude, a way of being. It’s knowing that when the wind turns, that person will always be there, in the same place, ready to support you. We’re not talking about blind loyalty or boring predictability, but about creating an environment where you feel safe, where you can be yourself without fear of judgment or abandonment.“, continues the expert.
In a world where everything seems precarious, changing, where everything goes very quickly, this quality becomes an “anchor”, assures the psychologist.
“With a reliable partner, you can dare anything: be vulnerable, make mistakes, and above all move forward and grow. It is a rare, precious gift that makes love a true alliance, and not just a flash in the pan…”
“So, before letting yourself be seduced by appearance, charisma or even complicity, you have to ask yourself this question: “Can I count on him/her, in times of doubt, difficulty, storm?” Because it is this reliability, this inner solidity that will transform a romantic relationship into a real human adventure of construction“, reveals Amélie Boukhobza in conclusion.
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