Published on
updated on
Reading 2 min.
in collaboration with
Johanna Rozenblum (clinical psychologist)
Words can sometimes be at a loss when a loved one is going through a difficult time. But your presence is important. What attitude and phrases should I use to help without awkwardness? Our psychologist gives his opinion.
How do you recognize a friend, a loved one? To his presence in difficult times. However, when these moments really arrive, it is common to feel helpless, not knowing what to say, what to do and feeling a little awkward. However, just a few words can make a difference and show support.
When a person needs to be surrounded
Firstly, it can be helpful to define when a person may need help or support. A bereavement, a separation are events of which you will undoubtedly be aware. But sometimes, the discomfort is more diffuse or discreet.
In an article published for the Daily MailAmerican psychologist Thema Bryant has listed some signs that should tell you that a loved one may need you:
- He does not respond to you or systematically takes time to respond even though this is not his habit;
- He talks negatively about himself;
- He gained or lost weight suddenly;
- He seems completely disorganized and lets clutter accumulate in his home;
- He is very irritable and loses his temper easily.
These simple sentences that can create a bridge
Is your friend definitely feeling bad? It is time to act, which is not always easy. “Sometimes we remain silent in difficult situations because we are afraid of saying the wrong thing.” recognizes Sara Kuburic, psychotherapist, on Instagram. But talking doesn’t mean launching into big dialogues, or knowing the root of the problem to help. Your presence alone can support your friend. The psychotherapist has listed six simple phrases to show your support and create a connection in this painful moment:
- If you want to talk, I’m here to listen to you;
- I want to understand, can you tell me about it? ;
- Take your time, I’m not in a hurry;
- If it’s important to you, it’s important to me;
- What is the best way for me to support you right now? ;
- If you’re not ready to talk, I can just stay by your side.
This is sometimes enough to soothe the heart.
Good in his body, good in his head!
The correct posture to adopt (and the one to avoid)
Consulted on the subject, Johanna Rozenblum, clinical psychologist, tells us that the right attitude consists of focusing on kindness above all, even if you do not understand all the ins and outs of the problem.
Beyond the words chosen, the right attitude is above all that of empathy. What is needed in these moments are words that will not judge the suffering or question it.
- Be fully attentive and provide support;
- Encourage contact with a psychologist to take care of yourself;
- Guarantee that we will be present.
“On the other hand, it is absolutely necessary to avoid minimizing by rationalizing things like “it will pass”, “there are worse things”, … It doesn’t help and it really makes the person feel guilty for feeling bad. The posture to adopt and the unconditional benevolence in the literal sense of the term, that is to say without condition and without judgment.
Slide: Friendship: the 9 signs of a healthy relationship