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Falling in love with a friend can be both an exciting and confusing experience. This delicate situation raises many questions: Should you confess your feelings and risk jeopardizing the friendship? Or is it better to remain silent to preserve the relationship? A psychologist enlightens you.
Seeing your lifelong friend in a different light and feeling deeper feelings towards him is not that rare (just look at the number of films or books on this plot). In a way, it makes sense that spending a lot of time with someone you like or admire can lead to romantic feelings. But realizing this can be confusing, even unwelcome. So, what to do?
What to do with this new data? The first question to ask yourself
The first thing to know in this case is that there is no right or wrong answer as to what action you want to take. All that matters is what you determine is best for you and your friendship with that person at that time. The first thing to do is therefore to identify this new “disorder”.
Sometimes a crush is just a fleeting spark and other times it blossoms into something bigger. It is essential to know what this is for you. Do you need affection right now? Is it really this friend’s personality that attracts you? Or the desire to be in a relationship? Take stock before talking about it. And also take stock of your friend’s situation.
According to Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a clinical psychologist in New York, there are many signs that you view a friend as something more, which can help you:
- You feel jealous when he talks about his love life;
- You want to spend a lot of time with him and experience special events together, more than with other friends;
- You regularly consult their social networks;
- You compare the people you date to him;
- You feel the need to check in regularly;
- You often share important moments of your day;
- You care more about your appearance around him.
Whether it’s temporary or more, the important thing is to have a clear idea of this feeling. “Neither is right or wrong, but it’s important to know how you feel and what you hope for if the relationship moves from friends to something more before talking to your friend”she said.
If you want to tell your friend that you have feelings for him, that’s a big step. What’s important now is how and when to tell him. As marriage therapist Kristal DeSantis explains, you can’t “simply surprise him with this new information in a late night message or give him this information casually or jokingly when you are among your other friends. If you’re serious about taking this next step in your relationship, treat it that way.” In other words, now is not the time to make a big romantic gesture.
- Tell him directly and respectfully when it’s just the two of you. This means sharing your feelings honestly and directly, without grand romantic gestures that might catch him off guard.
- Explain to him when you started feeling this way about him and why you decided it was the right time to tell him.
- Then, once you’ve said everything you need to say, give him time to digest everything.
“Expect there to be some awkwardness between the two of you as you each consider this new part of your relationship.”says Sabrina Romanoff.
Hooray, the feelings are mutual!
If you told your friend that you have feelings for him and he feels the same way, congratulations! This is a great opportunity to explore a romantic relationship with him. But according to psychologists, taking it slowly can be beneficial. “You already know each other as friends, but getting to know each other as romantic partners may take some adjustment.”she explains. “Have an open and honest conversation about your feelings and intentions, and discuss your hopes for the relationship and what you both want.”
The psychologist also recommends doing everything you can to maintain your friendship, as it can provide an excellent basis for the development of your romantic relationship.
If you’ve been respectful and honest in what you’ve said, that’s something you can be proud of, regardless of the outcome. Unfortunately, when faced with a refusal, it is normal to find it difficult to manage. How to move forward? Some things can help.
- Remembering that it’s not something he/she can necessarily control can help you not take rejection personally;
- You can also take some time away from your friend while you heal, experts say;
- You can also try to cope by leaning on close friends, meeting new people, or talking about it. with a health professional mental.
“Remember that this rejection does not mean your life is over. It will probably take time, but you will heal and you will be okay,” psychologists conclude in VeryWellMind.
Slide: 10 proofs that you are falling in love