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updated on
Reading 2 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
The story takes place in 2022. At that time, Uziel Martinez is in a relationship and his mother-in-law needs a kidney. Compatibility confirmed, the young man decides to donate one of his own. But a month later, his partner left him to marry someone else. Should we be indebted to others in the event of organ donation? The response from our psychologist, Amélie Boukhobza.
His story created a buzz on Tiktok in 2022. While he is in a relationship with his partner, Uziel Martinez explains that his mother-in-law, whose health is deteriorating, needs a kidney transplant. The young Mexican, compatible, decides to make this gift to his mother-in-law.
She leaves him and marries a month later to another
The story could have ended there but it created buzz for another reason. Indeed, in his video, the young man explains that his partner then left him and married another man, a month later. Should we be indebted to someone who performs such an important gesture, donating an organ like a kidney? We asked psychologist Amélie Boukhobza the question. According to her, “organ donation between loved ones is an act of extreme generosity“.
“It is a decision that must be carefully considered, a gesture offered without expectation of return. Because the intention of the donor is essential: an organ donation must never become a relational lever, nor a way of linking the other to oneself. Even if, naturally, the recipient may feel a form of moral debt towards the giver.
A delicate question, which should not be experienced as a burden
In the case of this story, the psychologist wonders if the young woman should be indebted to Uziel for the gesture he accomplished. “The question of accountability is delicate. In essence, an organ donation is an unconditional act: we offer a part of ourselves without expecting anything in return. This is precisely what makes it so valuable” she recalls.
“However, the complexity of human bonds means that, often, a feeling of moral debt sets in, whether in the giver or the recipient. But should this moral bond really weigh?”
To avoid feeling this weight, “Above all, we must remember why this gesture was made: out of kindness, without depending on the ups and downs of the relationship. Otherwise, it was not made for the right reasons, fueled by silent expectations that end up weighing down everything.“, she adds again correctly.
“Support from a professional can also ease these expectations and alleviate the complex feelings that may emerge.” advises our expert. And for the person who received this gift, we must express sincere gratitude, while setting limits, “so as not to lock yourself into a guilt invisible“.
“It’s a balance between recognition and independence“summarizes the psychologist.”Because the true gift is that which liberates, which allows each person to continue their journey without binding the other by a debt or a tacit obligation.” she concludes.