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in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical Psychologist)
Learning that your partner is, or has been, unfaithful during your pregnancy is a wound that will leave its mark. Why does it seem worse during this period? How can you deal with this delicate situation? Our psychologist Amélie Boukhokbza gives some ideas.
Wherever they come from, stories of infidelity during pregnancy shock (rightly so!), and seem worse than all the others. Be aware that the subject is however far from being exceptional.Nobody talks about it, and yet it happens more frequently than you might think,” explains Scott Haltzman, professor of psychiatry at Brown University School of Medicine, in his book Secrets of Happy Married Women. While there are no official figures on the subject (because few couples are comfortable discussing it), psychologists’ offices are well aware of the problem.
Why does infidelity during pregnancy seem more serious than any other?
For Amélie Boukhokbza, clinical psychologist, the timing is indeed very poorly chosen, “if there is a time to cheat on your wife, pregnancy is frankly not the right one!”
According to her, this betrayal can quickly become a trauma in the couple and in the life of the future mother.When a person cheats on their partner while pregnant, it’s like a knife in the relationship contract. This is the time when you start a family and create a unit, not when you go for a walk outside. You project yourself into the future with someone, envisioning a long-term life together, and this infidelity questions the sustainability of this project.”
The impact is all the greater because at this precise moment in the relationship, a betrayal induces several dangers:
- A risk of diseases : infidelity can bring sexually transmitted diseases, endangering the health of the future mother and the child;
- A real emotional destabilization : pregnancy is a time when a woman is already hormonally upset. A betrayal can significantly destabilize a person, especially if their self-confidence is weakened by physical changes;
- A need for stability flouted : During pregnancy, one needs support, stability and security. Infidelity during this period intensifies the feeling of betrayal and despair, which is not ideal for the unborn child.
Since each situation is different, infidelity in a couple during pregnancy does not necessarily mean the end of the relationship. However, if this is the case, it will be necessary to put several things in place to be able to find balance and a peaceful motherhood, reminds our expert:
- Seeking support : Talking to friends, family or professionals can provide a space to express emotions and get support.Thinking about yourself and your baby is essential at this time.”
- Putting yourself in perspective : compare the magnitude of the project of starting a family with the act committed.This can help put things into perspective and help you think about the future.”
- Communicate with your partner anyway : “Having an honest conversation with your partner is essential. It is important to understand why the infidelity happened and how each of you feels. This communication can help determine if and how the relationship can be saved.
- Start couples therapy : “This can help rebuild trust and address underlying issues.”
- Define everyone’s limits and expectations : “This includes discussions on loyaltycommunication and the emotional needs of each person.”
This approach does not guarantee that the couple will be “repaired”, but it can at least help to clarify things.The key is to take steps that respect your own needs and values, while seeking to heal and move forward, whether together or separately.”
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