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The beginning of a relationship is often synonymous with butterflies in the stomach. We are excited to discover the other person and we do absolutely everything to please them, even if it means losing ourselves. If you have difficulty setting boundaries, especially at the beginning of a relationship, to start on a healthy basis, you can adopt the quadrailing method.
The concept of guardrailing is to establish a set of healthy boundaries and mechanisms to protect the relationship from toxic or destructive behaviors. These “guardrails” help establish, from the beginning of a relationship, a framework of mutual respect, emotional safety and constructive communication, while leaving space for each partner
These boundaries can be about your sexual consent as well as your physical and psychological well-being. For example, if you are used to watching your favorite soap opera alone on Sunday evenings, you can express this individual need to your partner. Or if you wish not to practice certain sexual positions, a discussion is also necessary. These safety barriers can also set limits on how to handle a disagreement or conflict in the couple, or define what each expects from the relationship in order to avoid misunderstandings and frustration. By posting clear boundaries, we build a healthy relationship, where both partners can flourish easily.
But setting boundaries isn’t easy for everyone, because we’re often afraid of scaring off our potential other half. In fact, nearly two-thirds of 18-24 year-olds (63%) are afraid of saying “no” to their partner or disappointing them, according to a study by YouGov and the dating app Bumble.
Couples therapist Cécile Guéret, in an interview with Cosmopolitanadvises to be “as clear and transparent as possible about your own boundaries and expectations from the start”. She reminds us that you also have the right to readjust these boundaries over time, especially if something makes you uncomfortable.Consent must be freely given and may be withdrawn at any time“, she says. It’s an “ongoing conversation,” where it’s important to regularly check in to see if you and your partner are still on the same page.
Cécile Guéret also insists on the importance of mutual respect and trust in the couple.If your partner says no or shows discomfort, respect that without hesitation, without negotiating or putting pressure on“. According to her, “Respecting your and your partner’s boundaries doesn’t mean the end of pleasure. On the contrary, it is by establishing a foundation of trust and respect that you will create deep and authentic intimacy.”.
By adopting the guardrailing method, you take care of yourself and your partner by defining a clear framework from the beginning of the relationship. This allows you to build a relationship on solid foundations, where each person can flourish with complete serenity. Remember that mutual respect and continuous communication are the keys to a fulfilling and lasting relationship.
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