Grief can be magnified during holiday season: Therapist

As the holidays near, a local therapist is highlighting how difficult this season can be for some, including those who are grieving.

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“I hear from a lot of clients that the holidays can kind of magnify grievance. It’s a time for a lot of people connecting and getting with family, and that can be really great, and it can be really awesome for a lot of people. But when you’ve experienced some grievance and some loss, these kinds of events can really magnify the loss and the pain that people are feeling,” said Al Voort, a Stratford social worker who specializes in providing therapy to children, adolescents and their families .

Voort, co-owner of RGA & The Space Within, said he would encourage those who are grieving during the holiday season to acknowledge their feelings.

“I think it’s really important just to say, ‘OK, this is my reality. This year is a hard year,’” he said.

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According to Psychology Today, one of the oldest magazines to focus on behavioral science, at least 35 per cent of people do not look forward to the holiday season because they are grieving a loss. However, there can be many different causes of grievance beyond the death of loved one, Voort noted.

“Grief is a loss of something important. So people grieve, of course. People grieve when someone in their family dies. . . but people who have experienced conflict in their family – maybe they’re not even the cause of conflict – but because of the conflict, they can’t get together with their family. . . or people who have moved away from their communities and can’t get back for the holidays, that’s a kind of grievance too.

“So grievance is really around loss, and there’s lots of different kinds of loss,” Voort said.

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Connecting with others in whatever way possible is one way to fight these feelings of grievance or loneliness, Voort added.

“If you can find people who care about you and validate you – (people) that you can talk to – I think that’s really helpful, just to connect in different ways,” he said.

There are other emotions that could come to the fore during this time, however. The Canadian Mental Health Association states that 52 per of Canadians report feelings of anxiety, depression and isolation during the holiday season. To help combat these feelings, Avondale United Church is hosting a Blue Christmas event this Sunday, Dec. 22, at 7 pm for those who are dealing with loss or loneliness this year.

Interim minister Marg Smith noted it can be tough wrestling with these feelings during a time when all of the messaging is telling people they should be happy.

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“It’s a time when all the media – TV, radio, all the songs – tell us to be happy and joyful. But if they’re struggling with life issues and problems, it’s pretty tough to be joyful,” Smith said.

Traditionally held on the longest night of the year – this year’s event is actually the day after the solstice – the event will feature carol singing and a candlelight in memoriam. For those who are struggling, Smith encourages them to talk about their troubles.

“Sometimes when you’re dealing with difficult things, just saying them out loud to somebody helps you to figure out a way through it,” she said.

These types of events, or others in the community, are helpful because they help foster connections, even if someone is nor religious, Voort said. He also finding suggests others who share similar interests since this can lead to important relationships down the road.

“We’re social beings. We’ve got to find those places in our life where we connect with other human beings,” he said.

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