For Christmas, some people have the habit of offering money to their loved ones. But to a child is it really a good idea? It is a gift that can be a source of conflict in families, yet there is a dimension that can be very interesting for the child, that of pedagogy. Explanations with Vincent Joly, psychologist and psychotherapist for children and adolescents.
Offer cash or a check to a child at Christmas is quite common. Many parents, but also relatives such as grandparents, choose to give money as a Christmas present. Most often, this type of gift is intended for children when they are older, especially in adolescence. For some people, it’s an easy way to please a child without making mistakes and especially without spending hours thinking about finding the perfect gift. But offering money can also be an important gesture, which has meaning for the person who offers it and the child who receives it. As the end-of-year celebrations approach, we interviewed Vincent Joly, psychologist and psychotherapist for children and adolescents, to find out how to go about it when you want to offer money to a child for Christmas. He shares his analysis and advice.
Is it good to give money to a child?
The child can better understand the value of money
Giving money to a child for Christmas responds to different issues depending on the age and the intention behind the gesture. For Vincent Joly, this is neither a good nor a bad idea. “If we offer money it already allows to shift in time the moment of the gift, it avoids the traffic jam and the avalanche of gifts, which is still an important dimension of Christmas for children. Some have a significant number of gifts, especially among children who have separated parents or who are in a large family. Children are overwhelmed by the amount of presents they receive and often they are unable to name them all. For this reason, it is therefore not so foolish to offer money to a child”, explains the psychologist to us. Otherwise, behind this gift there is an educational dimension in the relationship to money. The child can better understand the value of money.
In contrast, with this type of gift we lose a little “this symbolic dimension of the gift and the idea that we have thought of the other, of what could make him happythere is something less materialistic than in money.” Disappointment can also be present, especially in children who are younger for whom money is more abstract. In this case, the magic of Christmas can lose its luster in children.
At what age can you give money to a child?
In general, from the moment the child has a more or less concrete relationship with money, that he begins to do his shopping for him with his parents, offering him money makes sense. There is no general rule or specific age, this can be in adolescence as well as around 9-10 years old, as long as the child is aware of what money is. At 5-6 years old this seems unlikely.
What is the message behind this gift?
The message behind a gift that we offer depends above all on the intention of the person, on how the idea of the gift was thought out. “What is complicated is that in Christmas gifts very often, there are relational issues and value issues in relation to money. It is therefore necessary to be careful and to know beforehand whether the parents of the child agree to offer this type of gift. Because it can be a bit annoying to give money to children when their parents will see it as a very materialistic gesture. In some cases this can cause conflicts within families, even unhealthy situations of jealousy between adults and sometimes even between children. “The message behind the gift exists with respect to the child but also with respect to the parent. If we want it to have meaning, it must be thought upstream”specifies Vincent Joly.
Is there an amount of money that should not be exceeded with a child?
The sum must be consistent with the social background of the family
Once again there is no obligation to meet a specific sum of money. “In my opinion, the value of the gift depends very much on the families and their income, as well as their budget allocated for Christmas”, emphasizes the psychotherapist. The question of the amount of money can be complex when there are competitive issues, particularly between separated parents. To avoid discord and repercussions that may indirectly affect the child, it is recommended that adults agree on the amount of money to offer him. The main thing is that the sum be consistent with the social environment of the family but also with what the child was used to receiving the previous Christmases.
A child receives money at Christmas, what advice can you give him?
As a parent, to prevent the child from spending his money without thinking, we can give him some benevolent advice. “You can take your child into a project, for example ask him what he wants to do with this money, show him what he can have with this money, this automatically switches to a more educational dimension, the child takes a little more aware of the value of money.” He may also feel a little more responsible and taken into consideration. Depending on the education that is wanted by the parents, they can control or not how their offspring spend the money they receive. What matters is that it has been thought out upstream with the child. And if the child spends his money in an unreasonable way, he will learn from his mistakes, it is also an experience in itself.
Thanks to psychologist Vincent Joly for answering our questions.