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You’ve just started a relationship and everything is going well in the best of all possible worlds. Your partner even goes so far as to plan future projects with you, like traveling or having children. Then, one day, no more news. You find yourself ghosted overnight. This is what is called “future faking”.
The future fake “is a technique used in romantic relationships, which involves describing a detailed vision of the future in order to speed up the connection.” explains therapist Kara Kays to Men’s Health. Once the partner is in the bag, the person adopts problematic behaviors and becomes distant, leaving the other in a relational limbo.
A technique used by narcissistic perverts
This technique usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship and is often practiced by narcissistic perverts. A narcissistic pervert is a person with a narcissistic personality disorder, who has a positive self-image and who likes to put themselves forward by putting others down. In love, it is not uncommon for these individuals to adopt strategies to manipulate their partners. When they start a new romantic relationship, they have an irreproachable attitude. They cover you with gifts, show unparalleled affection and promise you the moon.
From fairy tale to horror film
Future faking can make you feel like you’re living a fairy tale. But the narcissist will quickly show his true colors. At first, he’ll stop investing, and then you’ll realize he won’t keep any of his promises.Projects recede like the horizon and are delayed in order to continue to maintain the reverie, interspersed with terrible moments of harassment or denigration.“, explains Anne Clotilde Ziégler, psychotherapist and author of the work “Narcissistic Pervert: 50 Not-So-Harmless Everyday Scenes to Unmask and Deal With Them“, in an article in the Cosmopolitan. Result: you end up confused, manipulated and emotionally hurt.
Feel good in your body, feel good in your head!
Projections that aim to strengthen its grip
But why do narcissistic perverts insist so much on pretending to project themselves? The simulation of the future is “actually a form of manipulation, and it keeps you hooked by making the kind of future promises you want to hear” explains clinical psychologist and author Ramani Durvasula, in the columns of Men’s Health. This is intended to create in the victim the belief that things will change or improve in the future. Future simulations”may include wanting to start a family with you someday, and they may talk about wanting to get married and buy a house together someday“, continues Durvasula. This is why it is important to remain vigilant when your partner projects himself very quickly at the beginning of the relationship.
But how do you spot the signs?It’s very difficult“, regrets Anne Clotilde Ziégler.”In the controlling relationship, we first distinguish love bombing: the pervert burying you in dithyrambic compliments and it’s true that you have to be a real heroine or a real hero to defend yourself from that. Someone who finds you wonderful, that’s still very nice“, emphasizes the psychotherapist. This is why it is important, at the beginning of a relationship, to get to know your partner before committing. If you spot this tactic, take your distance quickly and clearly communicate your respective intentions before engaging in any romantic relationship.
Slideshow: Narcissistic Pervert: 10 Signs That Should Alert You