We all know someone who spends their time blaming others for all their misfortunes.
The person who victimizes himself always has a good reason to complain. She blames life and others for all her misfortunes. The culprits are her friends, her colleagues, her partner… Unable to question herself, she cannot imagine that the problem could come from her. This very confusing and annoying attitude reveals an irrepressible need to attract attention. So how do you recognize someone who is playing the victim?
► A person who victimizes himself seeks to attract attention by amplifying his misfortunes. The goal? Arouse the pity of your interlocutors in order to complain and obtain help. She likes it when she hears sentences like “oh poor thing, it’s really horrible what’s happening to you. Know that if you need help or listening, I’m here.”
► She blames others for all her misfortunes, thus highlighting her inability to question herself. Others are angry with her, mistreat her, aren’t nice…and of course, nothing is ever her fault.
► She complains constantly: Constantly complaining is a way to attract attention and arouse pity. By pretending to be a victim, she hopes to make herself sympathetic.
► She is powerless in the face of what is happening to her. And for good reason, the universe is against her and is angry with her.
“We can all find ourselves, at some point, in this posture of victimization because we do not take our responsibilities and it suits us a little to be a victim”admits Pascal Anger, clinical psychologist in Paris. Some people will, in fact, victimize themselves a lot and complain, it will always be the fault of others. “There is in this behavior what I would call an unconscious manipulation articulated around the need to attract the other and make them take pity on us because it is always easier to accuse others of all their misfortunes and not to question what is happening to us There is probably an element of unhappiness in victimization, but also a need to attract the other. There is also an element of insecurity, it is often. people who will put themselves in check to be able to say “you see, only bad things happen to me”deciphers the specialist.
“When we are aware of this victimization, we must assume who we are, regain self-confidence, be a little more lucid about ourselves and look at what is our responsibility and what belongs to the other or to life”suggests the clinical psychologist.
How to react to a person who has maintained their role as victim for several months or even several years? If we can show sympathy, the whole point is not to reinforce our victim status. You have to subtly get the other person to question and question themselves. “We can, perhaps, point it out by saying ‘listen, you’ve been telling me for a while that this or that is happening to you. You know, maybe you could take things differently or consult a professional to change your perception of things” in order to help the person understand that something is wrong with their way of being and complaining.”suggests Pascal Anger.