The Christmas holidays are an opportunity to spend time with loved ones and share friendly moments with large tables and discussions of all kinds. At the start of the festivities, light and consensual topics are going well: everyone has their own little holiday anecdote, their best childhood memory or their latest cinema favorite. But as the meal progresses, tongues loosen and an awkward sentence slips between the capon and the cheese (we didn’t see this one coming).
Seemingly innocuous, certain sentences act as real detonators which can lead to heated debates. This is particularly the case for the phrase “have you seen the latest news?” often said innocently. Problem: there is a 90% chance that the news concerns a divisive or controversial subject such as the latest government decisions, rising prices, immigration or geopolitical conflicts…
In general, it is better to ban themes likely to cause tensions or conflicts, especially if in the assembly there are people who are not very nuanced or even completely intolerant, underlines Dominique Picard, psychosociologist and author of the book “Politeness, manners and social relations” (ed. What do I know?). “Except in highly politicized families who enjoy non-violent debate, controversial topics such as politics can quickly become emotionally charged and lead, in cases of disagreement, to tension or sadness; which is the complete opposite of the desired attitude at Christmas“, she describes. Also be careful with alcohol which, unless proven otherwise, has never calmed down a spat.
If political subjects nevertheless come to the table, the best way to manage the situation is to avoid imposing one’s opinion without listening to the points of view of others and without jumping out of one’s chair, and to refocus the conversation on arguments and constructive exchanges. “The best advice: always say “I” rather than targeting the other person directly, accusing them or denigrating their opinion“. The discussion becomes sterile when the primary objective of one of the interlocutors is to convince the others at all costs. It is then better to stop abruptly and change the subject (at any chance, talk about the scent of the log… ).