Fear of abandonment is one of the most common wounds in our society. Activated early in childhood, it affects the daily life of the person who suffers from it, particularly their love life.
The pathological fear of being abandoned by others, the permanent fear of being rejected, abandoned, the obsessive desire to please… These signs are often the manifestation of fear of abandonment. “It is one of the injuries most common and virulent in our society current” immediately introduces Catherine Demangeot, psychotherapist. Activated very early in childhoodthis fear of abandonment weighs on the daily life of the person who suffers from it and deteriorates relationships with others. What are the signs of fear of abandonment? What are the causes? What effects on the couple? How to break free fear of abandonment?
Definition: what is fear of abandonment?
The fear of abandonment refers to a permanent feeling of insecurity faced with the anxiety of being abandoned by loved ones. While loneliness and isolation can be felt by everyone, abandonment neurosis is characterized by a form of emotional greed. “These are people who have a insatiable need to be secure in love. Only 20% of people in France are emotionally secure. For the others, the repeated experience of lack builds personalities known as emotional holes” indicates Catherine Demangeot, psychotherapist. Abandonment is a silent and passive wound. “Abandoners generally do everything they can to hide it from themselves and others because of the shame they feel“ adds the psychotherapist.
Fear of abandonment begins in childhood
The fear of abandonment in its pathological sense draws its source from aftereffects of a lack of love. “This wound is awakened in the child from a very young age, before the age of 3. They are generally adults who were confronted in their childhood with too much repeated absences or, on the contrary, an over-presence which results in a need for mergercontinues the psychotherapist. They did not necessarily experience real abandonment but they suffered from lack of emotional availability from their family. Sometimes the fear of abandonment is latent and reactivates during depression.”
Signs of fear of abandonment as an adult
They abandon themselves by trying to do everything to please.
Personalities suffering from fear of abandonment distort themselves to please and satisfy what they think those around them expect of them. “They abandon themselves by trying to do everything to please, be accepted and loved by others. Abandoners wear a relational mask and never dare to be themselves” underlines our expert.
►These are people who do not live in the present, constantly ruminate on the past and anticipate the future.
► These are people who constantly devalue themselves, feel extremely guilty and have a great feeling of disappointment.
► They are more prone to depressive symptoms and severe fatigue.
► In certain cases, we observe scarifications.
► They generally do not listen to physical symptoms (signs of anxiety, bodily tensions) that the body manifests to alert them.
► They are people cut off from their own emotional feelings
Fear of abandonment is a barrier to relationships
The “abandoners” suffer from a problem of commitment linked to an irrational fear of being abandoned or abandoning others. “They also tend to forgetting themselves for the benefit of their partner, convinced that they are not worthy of being loved. Which can lead to abuse and relationships of domination. On the other hand, personalities suffering from a fear of abandonment are sometimes very or even too demanding of their partner. They are perfectionists, are looking for the perfect relationship, free and fusional at the same time. By looking for this relationship which does not exist, they protect themselves from abandonment but maintain the feeling of failure” develops Catherine Demangeot.
Freeing yourself from the fear of abandonment requires journey and work on oneself. “A therapy with a professional allows you to build a lasting relationship of trust over time in which the patient can dare to reveal themselves and express their true personality. By experiencing this relationship, we show him that he can have this experience outside of the office.” recommends the psychotherapist.
The patient must learn to let a person approach and enter into their privacy by freeing yourself from this obsessive fear of being left. It is also essential tolower your stress level. “There TRE method is particularly effective in reducing stress before embarking on psychotherapy work” supports Catherine Demangeot. meditation also helps to soothe anxieties.
Thanks to Catherine Demangeot, therapist and psychotherapist.