The government has announced the extension of paternity leave to 28 days. What resonance did this decision have with young dads who have only benefited from the 14 days granted so far, when their child is born? They witness.
[Mise à jour du 7 septembre 2022] From July 1, 2021, young dads will benefit from 28 days of paternity leave at the birth of a child, 7 of which are compulsory from the birth of the baby. What will this month off change from the current 14 days? These dads testify, and highlight everything that is at stake for those who are now lucky enough to have a month of paternity leave.
“I could have set more benchmarks and better prepared for the separation”
Marc, 40, a plastic arts teacher, returned to work barely 11 days after the birth of his little Juno. “I have the memory of a very abrupt cut, coupled with a solid concern for my wife and my daughter” he explains. And for good reason, he had “the unpleasant sensation of having been taken out of the stasis of the new cocoon and of living a forced exile, from family warmth to salary coldness.” Guilt too. As a result, Marc had to provide his lessons, but admits that he could only do extras. “I imagine that over a longer period of time, I could have set more benchmarks and prepared for this separation with my daughter”.
“To have time, I left my job to become independent”
Pascal, author of the Histoires de papas blog and the book Dad stories: 13 portraits of inspiring dads took part at the end of June, in a forum alongside 10 other dads committed to demanding the extension of paternity leave to a minimum of one month or even that we can split up our leave in order to be able to take part of it when we return to work of the other parent, for example.“Having children is a tsunami, especially when, like me, you have twins” says Pascal. And if getting his bearings takes time, he finds it difficult to return to work and perform well with a newborn who does not sleep through the night. Rather than being satisfied with the 3 weeks that would have been granted to him as the father of twins, Pascal therefore preferred to leave his position as an employee and become self-employed after having spent 4 months full time with her babies. “I wanted to have time for my children the first months by organizing myself as I wish”, he says. His wish ? Let it be only a first step because all fathers should have the right to spend more time with their children after their birth. For example, that the 7 days of compulsory leave be increased to 15 because 70% of dads don’t use the rest of their leave. “For the purposes of our forum, we asked dads why they did not use all of their paternity leave: 32% justified it by pressure exerted by their employer and 26% self-censor convinced that taking more would be frowned upon”. But “this leave should already contribute to changing the lines on gender equality” he greets, while hoping that this is only the beginning!
“With my youngest, born very premature, it would have radically changed the situation!”
Lucas, father of 2 children aged 2 and 3, was entitled like everyone else to 3 days of birth and 10 days of parental leave for the birth of each of her daughters. “At the beginning, we grope, we discover, we would like to enjoy 100% of our first moments which are so precious” he specifies. But he quickly gets frustrated, feeling like he’s running out of time and quickly getting back to work. “This finding was even more striking when we had our second child who was born very premature”. However, if since July 1, 2019, fathers have benefited from a specific paternity leave in the event of hospitalization of the newborn being able to go up to 30 consecutive days, it was not the case in his time.“She is 1 year and 10 days apart from her big sister. It took chain between trips to and from the crèche for the eldest, trips to the hospital for the youngest, the various treatments and follow-ups to be done, not to mention the stress that this generates, which is difficult to manage at the same time as professional life. To be entitled to specific leave coupled with the extension of paternity leave would have radically changed the gameI could have been more involved and better coped with daily parental life” he testifies.
“With children close in age, I could have supported my wife more”
A better distribution of time, that’s what this extension of paternity leave evokes Laurent, a 36-year-old computer engineer. “When my son was born, we were already parents of an 18-month-old baby girl. 2 close children involve a lot of things to manage at the same time” he confides. However, with his 11 days of paternity leave, he regrets not having been able help his partner more. “The first few months were difficult for her, between breastfeeding which is exhausting and time-consuming, and managing our eldest”. With a longer leave, I could have supported her more easily and given her more time to recover from childbirth”. Laurent also admits that it was difficult for him to get up at night, to find a happy medium: “I needed sleep to be efficient during the day. Having more days off would helpAlternate more equitably the phases of rest and wakefulness between the spouses”.
“The longer the leave, the more the father will be able to take his place”
For Anthony,“we are moving in the right direction, 11 days was far too short”. This 35-year-old teacher believes that it is already difficult for a father to find his place and manage to interfere in the mother-child relationship. “We haven’t given birth, we’re not breastfeeding, so getting back to work so quickly doesn’t help… the longer the parental leave will be, the more fathers will be able to take their place”. What would he like? “That parental leave be reassessed financially so that fathers take it more and that the woman is not the only one to bear the impact that parental leave can have on a professional level”. And to specify that “entrusting your 2 and a half month old baby to strangers is still very distressing”.
“Creating a bond with the baby and reducing the maternal burden”
As noted by Gilles Vaquier de Labaume, father, also founder of the Atelier du Futur Papa and author of New dads, the keys to positive education (Ed. Leduc.s) “Bringing a child into the world and accompanying it is not easy, during this period, the presence of both parents is therefore more than desirable”. This period is all the more important, according to him, for fathers, because “Having not carried the child, they have no official link. They must therefore be all the more present, get involved, participate in order to start creating a link”. Another advantage to this extension of paternity leave? “Helping dads get their bearings and feel comfortable caring for their baby by having had time to discover their rhythm”. Gilles also believes that this extension will contribute to“reduce the maternal burden by involving fathers more in the tasks that punctuate the daily lives of young parents”. A way to promote gender equality, but also to limit the rate of postpartum depression.
“35 days, when you have twins it passes very very quickly”
For the dads of twins and tripletsthis paternity leave will be extended to 35 days in total against 21 days so far. Dad of twins, Eric Bonneton, would have liked to benefit from longer paternity leave. Being both a fixed-term employee and self-employed, he preferred not renewing his fixed-term contract and putting his contracts on stand-by for several months to look after and enjoy her children. A choice of the heart which was not not easy to manage financially. “If I had been entitled to the 35 days which will soon be granted to dads of twins, by accumulating leave, I could have been present while maintaining professional and financial security”. Despite everything, Eric, who also hosts a Future Dad Workshop in Bordeaux, does not regret having made this choice because, as he explains to his participants:“35 days goes by very, very quickly.especially since two babies at once, it’s twice the work and the fatigue”.