Published on
updated on
Reading 3 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical Psychologist)
For too long, your loved ones have been going on about your partner and accusing him of not being “up to par”. Should you trust their comments? We asked Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, the question.
For several years, your cousin, your brother and your mother have been repeating: “you are way too good for him“. A hurtful sentence, which also calls your whole story into question: what if they were right? To see things more clearly, Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, gives us some food for thought.
I’m too good for him/her: what does that mean?
There are several possible explanations here. Either your loved ones think that you are too good “physically” for your partner, or they think that you are above him intellectually. Or both!
It is also possible that you have a “better position” than your partner (or at least one that is considered to be higher ranked or better paid), which bothers your close circle.
“When you are told that you are ‘too good for him/her’, it is often a reflection of the expectations and perceptions of those close to you, much more than objective reality,” reveals Amélie Boukhobza.
“Indeed, you have to keep in mind that those close to you project their own ideas on what is good for you. They love you, they want you to be happy, fulfilled. But sometimes, their standards or criteria are ultimately not yours. They can base themselves on more or less superficial things, or on things that they value: social status, physical appearance, life goals, or even “compatibility“as they see it. They are trying to protect you or encourage you to aim for “better”, depending on their own definition of “better”. But what do you think?” continues the expert.
It seems important here to question this famous “difference” shed light between you and your partner. Is it a detail that bothers both partners concerned or is it the opinion of others that bothers? Is it also a way for oneself to disengage from a relationship? (if I’m too good for him, I can leave).
“What does it mean to be “too good” for someone, exactly? If we are talking about deep values, respect, support, then it is a point that should not be neglected, indeed. Are you in a relationship where you feel valued, heard? Is this relationship good for you? These are the only real questions… If you have the impression of giving more than you receive, or that the relationship is dragging you down, maybe there is something to question. But if this idea of ”too good” is based on criteria such as salary, prestige or other more materialistic elements… Ask yourself seriously what you expect from the relationship”, explains the specialist.
“Relationships are rarely perfectly symmetrical”
Unsurprisingly, Amélie Boukhobza reminds us that love with a capital L is not measured in terms of “level”.
The important thing is to love and be loved in return, regardless of external criteria and criticism (he doesn’t earn enough, he lacks humor, he is too discreet…). Only your judgment (and your happiness) counts in the balance!
“What matters is the quality of the complicity, the ability of each person to grow together, to support each other in difficult times. Relationships are rarely perfectly symmetrical, they are never perfect either… and it is often this dynamic and the construction in imperfection that allows for evolution and enrichment. Maybe this person, even if they don’t tick all the boxes in the eyes of your loved ones, brings you something unique, precious and important to you… and that’s what matters!“, concludes Amélie Boukhobza.
Now you know how to shut up your loved ones during your next family lunches.
Slideshow: 10 Signs Your Relationship Will Last