As parents, we want to protect our children from bad encounters. But according to several experts, we should rethink the way we warn our little ones, and their reasoning is rather logical.
Our parents all gave us the same advice: “Don’t talk to strangers!” This mysterious, potentially dangerous stranger who could try to lure the child by promising them candy. This advice remains anchored in our minds and we then pass it on to our children. But according to several experts, this sentence is problematic in more ways than one. It suggests that danger can only come from strangers. While statistics unfortunately prove it, violence affecting children most often takes place within the family circle. When it is not a family member, it can also be a relative, a neighbor, a camp counselor, a person who is therefore not at all a stranger to the child.
Telling your child to be wary of strangers is both a way of telling them that danger can only come from outside, and it also prevents them from seeking outside help if the situation requires it. That’s why Pattie Fitzgerald, a child safety expert and founder of the website safelyeverafter.com, recommends talking about “sneaky” or “cunning” people instead. Terms that evoke lies, deception, and manipulation. These people will “gaining the trust of the child or parent, until personal boundaries become blurred and limits are crossed“, she explains in the columns of the Huffington Post.
The goal is to make children understand that it is not only people they do not know who are potentially dangerous. Adults they know can also pose a threat. It is also important to remember that people who seek to harm children may be quite friendly or charming, which does not fit into this image of the frightening and threatening stranger.
The concept of “cunning people” focuses more on strange behavior than on the fear of strangers. The specialist also recommends teaching children what to do rather than what not to do. For example, instill in them that they should always ask your opinion before going with someone else to see or do something new. Even if that someone is the ice cream man! It is essential to explain to the child very early on, adapting the speech to their age, what the limits are that should not be crossed. The parent can start by saying “It is not acceptable for someone to…”, then discuss inappropriate behavior in a way that is appropriate for their development. Specifying that this includes strangers of course, but also friends, family, neighbors, classmates or even teachers.