How attached are our loved ones to us? Thanks to a theory of social psychology and a very clear grid, it is possible to understand them better.
Have you ever wondered if your spouse or friends really care about you? Human relationships can be complex and sometimes confusing. To better understand the dynamics of the ties that unite us, it can be useful to have a few tools. And specialists have created an analysis grid to explain “attachment styles”. This grid can help you assess your spouse or friends’ attachment to you.
When we talk about attachment styles, we are talking about behavioral patterns that describe the way individuals view their relationships. These models are based on work in social psychology. The four main attachment styles are: “secure”, “preoccupied”, “detached”, and “fearful-avoidant”.
Attachment theory was developed by psychoanalysts John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth in the 1950s. It initially aimed to understand the behavior of infants when separated from their caregivers. However, it has since been extended to explain adults’ behaviors in romantic relationships.
This theory is today very widely explained in numerous psychology textbooks, very appreciated by the general public. As an example, “The New Science of Attachment and How You Can Find Love,” written by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller in 2010, recently experienced a sales boom. On TikTok, for its part, the hashtag # attachmentstyle has been viewed more than a billion times.
How our loved ones think
Here is the grid which allows you to identify types of attachment, they serve as an analysis grid.
“Secure” attachment – People with a “secure” attachment are comfortable with intimacy and closeness. They are able to openly communicate their needs and feelings in their relationships. These individuals show warmth and love and they trust their partners without fear of abandonment. In general, they are happier in their relationships.
“Preoccupied” attachment – People with “preoccupied” attachment desire intimacy and closeness, but they are sensitive to potential threats in their relationship. They may need frequent validation from their partner, and when they feel threatened, they may resort to protest behavior to reestablish the bond.
“Detached” attachment – People with “detached” attachment associate intimacy with loss of independence. They tend to withdraw when someone gets too close. Although they may love, they feel overwhelmed by closeness.
“Fearful-avoidant” attachment – This style combines traits of the “preoccupied” and “detached” styles. These individuals desire connection but fear being hurt in relationships. They tend to push people away for fear of betrayal.
Keep in mind that attachment styles are not rigid categories, but rather orientations on a spectrum. They can vary from one relationship to another. Furthermore, they are not value judgments; they are part of our behavior.
Understanding attachment styles can be a valuable tool for improving our relationships with our spouses, friends, family, and colleagues. These styles can evolve over time, and relationships can be strengthened through communication, understanding, and mutual love. According to experts who rely on this analysis grid, the key to more fulfilling relationships lies in awareness and mutual respect for our needs and those of our loved ones.