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Are your children not listening to you? Maybe it’s the way you phrase things, warns a behavior expert. Here’s how to correct yourself, in no time.
Do you keep telling your children the same thing? To put an end to this vicious circle (and for them to listen to you, finally!), a behavioral specialist detailed one of her tips on Instagram.
Are your children not listening to you? Ban negative wording!
“Stop eating cakes”, “Don’t gesticulate like that in your seat”… On a daily basis, many of us ask our children to behave well, bring back good grades from school or even eat their vegetables. The problem ? Our sentences are mostly focused on the negative or what we don’t want our child to do.
In a video on Instagram, Jenna Mazzillo, behavioral specialist, explains that through these negative remarks, “We draw attention to what we don’t want our children to do“.
“When we use “don’t” and “No”we impose a ban but we never tell our children what they should do instead. Besides, we are only drawing attention to what we don’t want our children to do.” further specifies the specialist.
A rather sensible reasoning, which allows him to establish a parallel with the professional world.
“Imagine you start a new job and every time you start writing in a shared Excel sheet, your boss tells you “STOP” in all caps. Vou would probably be, understandably, a little lost as to what to do!”
What sentences to use?
Still according to Jenna Mazzillo, the choice of words plays an essential role in encouraging your child to truly listen.
“It’s simple, (we need to) tell our children exactly what we want them to do. Instead of saying, ‘Don’t put your feet on the chair,’ we should say: “Put your feet on the ground”. Instead of saying, ‘Don’t talk to me like that,’ tell your child exactly what you want them to say.”
By using caring and constructive wording, you ultimately help the child better understand what you expect of him, without offending him or making him feel like he is constantly being oppressed. In other words, the use of positive language makes it possible to transform criticism into learning opportunities: the child perceives the remarks as advice to improve (which allows him to feel valued), and not as attacks.
“If we want our children to be clear about what we want them to do, make sure that when you tell them what to do, you use it in a positive sentence and avoid using the expressions “no” and “don’t”continues the expert.
An initiative, already validated by Internet users. We applaud!
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