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Are the feelings still there in your relationship? Or are you now together out of habit? If you are no longer sure, a psychologist gives the 3 questions to really ask yourself to take stock.
When routine settles in as a couple, it can sometimes be difficult to determine if love is still present, if it still nourishes your bond, or if daily life has gradually given way to an “affectionate” relationship. According to Jeffrey Bernstein, an American psychologist, three essential questions can help you take an initial assessment of your feelings.
Do you still miss him (or her)?
This is the first important question to ask yourself, indicated by the psychologist. “When you miss someone, it means they hold an important place in your heart and mind. When you’re apart, whether because of work, travel, or other commitments, wanting to be with them can indicate that your feelings are still strong.”
But the expert adds that missing your partner goes beyond just being physically present; it’s about missing their company, their voices, their laughter and the comfort they provide. “Frequently thinking about your partner when they are not around shows that they are an integral part of your life.” This desire can manifest itself in different ways, in joy or comfort at seeing them again after a long day or missing their support during difficult times. This feeling speaks to the deep emotional connection you share.
However, adds Jeffrey Bernstein, it is essential to differentiate between withdrawal and dependence. Healthy desire involves enjoying and valuing your partner’s presence, while dependence may indicate an inability to feel complete without them. If your feelings lean more towards the former, it’s a good sign that love is still there in your relationship.
Do you love and seek his company?
Another crucial question is: “Do you enjoy your spouse’s company?” More concretely, do you look forward to participating in activities together, whether they are simple moments (like a meal, or a movie) or exciting moments (like a trip)? For the psychologist, enjoying each other’s company is the cornerstone of a romantic relationship. “It means you appreciate who they are and enjoy your time together.” he mentions. Enjoying the company of your partner means feeling comfortable, happy when you are with them, it indicates an ever-present connection.
“On the other hand, if you feel indifferent or prefer to spend time away from your significant other, this could be a sign that you need to reevaluate your feelings. indicates the expert. “Love is often reflected in the joy and contentment that comes from simply being in each other’s presence.”
Do you see a future together?
The future, here is the third question that counts in the eyes of the psychologist. “Envisioning a shared future is a profound indicator of a lasting love. This involves considering long-term plans, goals and dreams and seeing your partner as part of those aspirations.”. So where are you? Do you discuss projects together? Do you think about what your life will be like with them by your side years later? If so, it means you are ready to invest in the relationship and take on the challenges, face the ups and downs of life, as a team. It can also tell you that you still love your current and long-term partner. If you can’t imagine your future without your partner, it’s a vital sign that your love for them is lasting.
So, if you can answer these three questions with a “YES”, it is very possible that you still nourish a solid emotional bond, a joy of living in the company of your partner and a shared vision of the future. What love looks like after many years. If this is not the case, perhaps you should indeed discuss and take stock of your relationship. Finally, if you answered yes but you regret the initial emotions, also remember that love evolves, but these three pillars represented by these three questions can guide you in understanding your relationship.
Slide: 10 clues that prove he loves you