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For some particularly anxious people, a trivial situation can quickly be interpreted as a potential problem to be managed. In this context, there is an SMS capable of putting them in a state of notable stress and ruining their day. To know and avoid.
If you are surrounded by one or more anxious people, you know: they tend to interpret everything, most of the time in a negative way. As a result, all things text and SMS tend to leave them questioning, even tense: these brief digital messages lack many nonverbal cues — such as eye contact, gestures, or a smile — that provide important context to what’s happening. what a person is trying to say. They deduce false things from it.
The SMS to avoid to protect your friend
In this digital communication, anxious people tend to fill in the gaps and interpret vague messages more negatively than they should be. This is why the worst thing we can send them is the famous “Can we talk ?”. A message that will tell a person how they feel about themselves “He has something important to say.” but which will give a cold sweat to an anxious person.
Why this anticipation? “The ambiguity and lack of tone or context in this type of message leaves enormous room for interpretation and catastrophizing.”, explains to HuffPost Alex Oliver-Gans, a licensed marriage and family therapist in a private practice in San Francisco. “Because text messages (sms) are missing certain non-verbal cueswe constantly assume the tone and intent of the sender.”
A sentence with a negative connotation
One of the main symptoms of anxiety is catastrophic thinking, or a tendency to believe that the worst outcome of a situation could very well occur. But “Can we talk?” already has a negative connotation. “Who ever said: Can we talk? and had some good news to share?” recalls Oliver-Gans. Add anxiety to the mix and a person may wonder if their relationship is about to end or if they are being fired from their job. The ambiguity of “Can we talk ?” can cause people to ruminate or assume the worst. The anxious brain then begins to prepare for the terrible outcome it imagines.
Good in his body, good in his head!
What is the best way to phrase your message?
To avoid worrying an anxious person unnecessarily, it is best to be specific and provide details of what you would like to discuss. When writing your message, remember that it is easy for text to be misinterpreted. For example, instead of “Can we talk?” or a similar question, ask if you can discuss your weekend plans or if you can meet to prepare that professional presentation together.
Another option is to use this template “I wanted to find out about [le sujet dont vous souhaitez discuter]. Do you have 15 minutes later today?”, “cIt minimizes ambiguity, sets clear expectations, and allows people to better understand the scope of the conversation, rather than leaving them wondering.”deciphers Alex Oliver-Gans.
If you have to address a sensitive subject, however, it is better to be clear and direct. A few extra words in your message can save everyone some anxiety and give the other person a chance to prepare for the deeper conversation. But experts say if there’s a particularly difficult topic to discuss, it may be best to wait until you can talk about it in person or over the phone.
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