Do People Regret Their Extramarital Affairs? Not Really, Reveals Sexologist

Cheating on your spouse to whom you have promised fidelity is not a pretty thing. It is also frowned upon in the society in which we live. Thus, when the affair or the affair is discovered, the couple can falter, explode, or choose to face it, against a backdrop of awareness and regrets (“never again, I promise”). But according to the media Psychology Today and sexologist Michael Castleman, this notion of regrets should be questioned: it would only intervene when the couple decides to conduct post-infidelity couples therapy, to appease a wronged partner. The reality would be different.

Most cheaters say they are very much in love with their partner.

The expert cites a study conducted by Johns Hopkins University to understand the real state of mind of unfaithful people and the place of regrets in their actions. They therefore questioned users of a site inviting extra-marital relationships (therefore officially fickle), on their feelings towards infidelity. 1464 men responded, against 190 women. With astonishing results:

• Only 10% reported being in a mutually consensual open relationship, (so 90% were, in fact, unfaithful);
• Most respondents describe themselves as very much in love with their partner;
• But they felt driven crazy by “too little” sex and/or sexual satisfaction in their relationships;
• Half (49%) said they were not currently sexually active with their partner;
• A quarter (23%) have sought professional counselling to improve their relationships and restore sexual relations within their couple;
• 80% said their affairs were sexually satisfying;
• 75% said their adventures were emotionally satisfying;
• Only 20% expressed regret or remorse for having had sexual relations.

Sexual dissatisfaction, the number one reason for cheating

If infidelity can be the result of many relational dissatisfactions such as boredom, lack of affection, stress, or distance, it would therefore be sexual dissatisfaction that would primarily be at the origin of extramarital relations. For the vast majority of unfaithful people, their acts compensated for the feeling of not being valued, desired or sexually satisfied and brought them sexual and emotional satisfaction, at least for men (the sample being predominantly male). In this context, regret would thus take second place.

Frustration, a topic to address in a couple

However, the unfaithful would not be monsters for all that. According to the expert, there would thus exist a very common paradox within these extra-marital affairs: in many surveys, the people questioned massively condemn infidelity as being morally reprehensible and threatening to the relationship. However, according to the study, at least one married person in five (20%) and a larger proportion of those who are in a relationship (30 to 50%) admit to having cheated on their partner. (A figure undoubtedly below reality, many keep it to themselves) “Something drives people to do things they condemn,” “Chronic sexual complaints can thus push people to leave their relationship, even when, outside of sex, they feel relatively happy in their relationship.

A reality that hurts, but which we should perhaps face in the event of difficulties in our relationship.THE chronic differences in desire are one of the main reasons, if not the main reason, why couples consult a sexologist”, confirms the expert.

The good news is that these professionals are now well versed in the problem. If you are concerned about your own sexual dissatisfaction or that of your partner, it may be better to seek counseling or talk about it first, rather than waiting for regrets after the mistake.

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