Pregnancy is such an upheaval in a life that future mothers can sometimes be overwhelmed by their emotions and be intransigent with their partner. Why do they sometimes express such rejection and how to overcome it? Answers and advice from Nathalie Lancelin-Huin, psychologist specializing in perinatality.
Many pregnant women recognize that they have difficulty coping with their spouse during pregnancy and that they only see its faults. Consequently, disputes tend to multiply during these nine months when harmony should reign in the couple! How to find peace? Nathalie Lancelin-Huin, psychologist specializing in perinatality in Annecy, author of the book The unsuspected world of baby (Ed. Albin Michel) with Sonia Krief and host of the site www.nathalie-t.com gives some useful tips.
Why do couples argue during pregnancy?
There are several possible reasons with more or less conscious motives, identified by each, and deep. “First, there is the ability of the couple to usually go up in turns and in tension. In some couples, this almost seems to be part of their ordinary functioning”, explains Nathalie Lancelin-Huin.
For others, it is more occasional or even rare. And then there is the reality of a pregnancy that happens within a couple and that will tell of important and lasting changes. “For couples already prone to arguing, there will then be more possible reasons (fatigue, stress, dissatisfaction, etc.).
For those less inclined to argue, the arguments can be explained because of this new stress. Fears are at play in the face of big changes. Future parents may find that the other changes a lot, do not recognize him and may discover a new side to him, which they do not appreciate. “They may be disappointed in relation to their expectations and their dreams and may be afraid of losing the life they had before, of losing their shared relationship. Sometimes, some people are afraid of having done something stupid and fear to regret their choice to become parents (quality of their love, fears for the future, eco-anxiety, etc.). And then a pregnancy is 9 months. A thousand things can therefore happen motivating anger with external reasons (economic crisis, disputes with in-laws, etc.) or internal reasons for couples (differences of opinion on education, sexuality, etc.)”.
Some pregnant women explain that the mere presence of their spouse exasperates them: why?
The hormonal bath in which mothers-to-be bathe is not without consequences on their moods! “Pregnancy brings its share of hormones and with it, greater sensitivity. The degree of reactivity of pregnant women is higher. They take things more to heart and therefore more directly. They also perceive more finely, so they note more things and what they accepted more or less easily before, can become unbearable. The little habits of the spouse that used to be fun can become exasperating. Everything takes on importance, raises the temperature in the couple by one or two degrees and can make you react instantly”, notes Nathalie Lancelin-Huin.
Is it dangerous for the fetus to get upset during pregnancy?
Peaks of nervousness have no effects on the health of the fetus. It is only when the stress is continuous that it becomes harmful for the unborn child. Studies have indeed shown that the stress of the mother could cause disorders of the regulation of the nervous system of the fetus especially during the 1st and the 3rd trimesters of pregnancy. But don’t panic though. These impacts are mostly reversible. However, if you feel that you are under constant tension, do not hesitate to consult a professional or to turn to gentle doctors, after having taken medical advice, to regain calm.
Is stress a risk for the baby?
During pregnancy, stress can actually cause stomach pain. Repeated, it increases the risk of premature delivery, so do not wait for these situations to recur to seek advice from your midwife, for example.
“The quality of love and communication that the couple already had before will work for or against them. So we must not lose the thread of sharing and spending time together, simple and pleasant moments. It is also necessary to communicate, to worry about the emotional state of the other and this regularly so as not to discover it during a preparation session with the midwife. I also advise couples to share the experience of pregnancy together : the dreams and fears they have, certain medical appointments and those to prepare for the experience of childbirth and the birth of their baby“, explains Nathalie Lancelin-Huin.
Do marital disputes subside after pregnancy?
The climate can calm down around the cradle with the arrival of the child. “But the shortcomings experienced in the very important moment of pregnancy, may have marked the young parents. They remain connected to the pregnancy, to the baby and may have damaged the beautiful memories that they wished to be able to tell in time to others and to the child”. We must not forget that a pregnancy is a marathon just like childbirth and the post-natal period. All this can logically add fatigue and then generate tensions that follow one another. “But the presence of the newborn, the desire to surpass oneself while thinking of him, can help love to prevail over exhaustion and resentment. It requires a little work on oneself and to surpass his ego sometimes. This calls for refocusing on the essential: this baby who is here, who has just changed worlds and who needs the availability and love of his parents, not a home such as a field of mines!”, concludes Nathalie Lancelin-Huin