Published on
updated on
Reading 3 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical Psychologist)
Former Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl revealed on his Instagram account that he became the father of a baby girl born of adultery. How can the other members of the family overcome this ordeal? Answer.
Foo Fighters singer Dave Grohl shocked many of his fans. On Tuesday, September 10, he revealed on his Instagram account that he had just had a baby born of adultery. A bolt from the blue for Jordyn Blum, his wife and his three daughters, Violet, 18, Harper, 15 and Ophelia, 10.
The musician says he wants to “love and support” his new child
While the 55-year-old father revealed that he would do everything he could to regain his family’s trust, he also said he wanted to be a loving and present father to his new child.
“I recently became the father of a baby girl, born out of wedlock.” he wrote on Instagram.I intend to be a loving and understanding parent to her. I love my wife and children, and I am doing everything I can to earn their trust and forgiveness.”
No further details have been released about the identity of the mother or child.
However, the singer called for consideration for himself and his family.
“We thank you for your consideration of all children involved as we move forward together.” he concluded.
A devastating discovery
The announcement of such news is of an unheard-of violence”for the whole family“, says our expert psychologist, Amélie Boukhobza.
“The shock surrounding the arrival of an illegitimate child in a family can be totally devastating. Whether for the members of the existing family or for the child to come, the impact is often profound and touches the very essence of family ties“, she believes.
First, there is the blow to confidence.
“In this type of situation, the betrayal can seem enormous: for the partner, of course, but also for the children already present, who often feel a form of disillusionment seeing the stability of their family called into question. At the same time as the idealized image of the parent in question. The questions are numerous, the emotions are unleashed, and the family balance wavers under the weight of the betrayal,” she says.
Then there is this feeling of injustice.
“How can we accept that another child comes to “shake up” the already established family? A child who, for some, could be seen as the result of a mistake or a destructive act. However, this child did not choose anything. He too, in his own way, is the victim of a situation that he did not cause. And this is where the real challenge begins: how to integrate this child into the family, while managing the resentments that may exist?“, the expert explains.
This is often where emotional confusion reaches its peak.
“On one side, there is anger, sadness, and this visceral need to understand how we could have gotten to this point. On the other, there is this implacable evidence: this child is here, he exists, and he deserves to be loved, no matter the circumstances of his conception,” explains Amélie Boukhobza.
Time needed for reconstruction
Faced with this terrible news, and the change of direction taken by one of their own (here, the father), the family members are reeling… and need time.
“Getting over this shock takes time, but also a lot of discussion between family members. It is an ordeal that requires immense maturity, and there is no simple or clear path. Each family will react in its own way, but it is essential to recognize that this event affects everyone, not just the couple in question, and that nothing can be imposed. Children, even when they do not understand everything, feel the tension, and it is important to explain the situation to them in a way that is appropriate for their age. With the right words, answering all their questions, without lies,” advises the psychologist.
Finally, there is this work of reconstruction.
“Forgiveness is never easy in such a situation, and it is not always a given. Far from it. Some couples manage to weather the storm, others do not. But beyond the couple, it is the way the family chooses to manage this event that can either strengthen it or push it away. It is essential to give everyone time to deal with their emotions, while trying to rebuild on more solid foundations, accepting that this new child, illegitimate in the eyes of the law perhaps, is in no way responsible for the family chaos.“, recalls the expert, in conclusion.