Famous Finnish writer, comedian and podcaster Kaj Korkea-aho and his husband Niko dated 26 women – to find the mother of their child.
– It was a mixture of going on a date and showing housing, says Kaj.
It was after Finland rewrote the Marriage Act in 2017, giving same-sex couples the right to adopt, that Kaj Korkea-aho and his husband Niko decided they wanted to become parents.
The couple says that they experienced a change in attitudes in society and that it was not at all so odd or unusual for same-sex couples to dream of children. But they didn’t have many options on how to proceed.
– Surrogacy is illegal in Finland and a system we have known has ethical concerns. The adoption process can take a very long time and is uncertain in many ways, they say.
Must be crisp and straight
The choice fell on co-parenting. The couple heard around their circle of friends but to no avail. So Kaj and Niko decided to start dating women with one goal in mind: Find the mother of their child.
– You have to be very blunt and direct: Do you have credit debts or do you have hidden faults? Says Kaj and continues.
– We had three criteria: We want to live in Helsinki, we want to share care 50-50 and that the child should go to a Swedish-speaking school, says Kaj.
“Strong feeling”
The couple met 26 women before finding the mother of their son Kaius, now eight months.
– When we met her, we both had a strong feeling, almost psychoanalytically. It was a safe experience. We were convinced that she would be an excellent mother.
The couple says that their lives are completely different today, but also say that it has been surprisingly easy.
– It is risky to say, but it does not mean that there have been difficulties. But the realization that being a father came quickly, like it was what I was made for.
Kaj is currently working on the book “How to meet a mother”.