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Thinking about unwinding? But with the organization, fatigue and change of routine, couples can also spend a good part of their vacation on edge. How can you avoid this and make the most of it? Our tips for a truly relaxing vacation for two.
Not such a “relaxed” period
Under the guise of offering a real time of rest, the holiday period is not exempt from conflicts in the couple (in another setting, however). Thus, the stress of the organization can accumulate with that of the change.Vacations take us away from the comforts of home and the routines that keep us balanced.” explains therapist Nicole Saunders in the HuffPost American.And then, many couples tend to drink more during the holidays, and alcohol combined with stress can easily lead to an argument.”
The media has thus classified the 4 main reasons which create arguments on the holiday destination, according to couples therapists. But also the best way to avoid them.
When one just wants to relax and the other is looking for adventure
According to Abigail Makepeace, a marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, it is common for couples to disagree on the type of vacation they are planning. One will want to sit on a beach, without moving, while the other will have a desire for adventure and exploration… desires that are not always easy to reconcile without one sacrificing themselves.
His advice? Before you go on a trip, talk to your partner about what your ideal vacation looks like. It’s best to know everyone’s expectations in advance to avoid arguments on the spot.Agree on the activities you want to do together and agree to leave room for your individual interests,” advises the expert. So you can go together and read a good book, while the husband goes hiking.“Compromise and flexibility are essential.”
When one wants to organize everything and the other aims for spontaneity
Another tense situation is when one partner may like to do a lot of research in advance, create an itinerary, find the best restaurants, while the other will prefer improvisation.
“Sometimes during the holidays, people want to escape their busy schedules. But leaving things too much on hold can mean missing out on necessary reservations, wasting time and money.”says Brianne Billups Hughes, a marriage therapist in California.Which leads to frustrations and resentment on both sides.”
To avoid this, discussion is also necessary upstream, to find the priorities and activities on which we can give up a little ground… so that everyone benefits.
When one hopes for a romantic vacation… and the other doesn’t
When the holidays finally arrive, many partners see the opportunity to break the routine and treat themselves to some romantic, even sexy, moments. But sometimes, the other is not on the same wavelength, wants to rest, enjoy or see as many friends as possible.When people’s expectations are not met, they can quickly turn into intense anger or sadness, and these feelings can then boil over and cause an argument.” says relationship coach Aaron Steinberg.
To prevent resentment, it is essential to sit down a few days before the trip to talk about “what you imagine or fantasize about the trip”, advises Aaron Steinberg. “Notice your similarities and differences, and make sure you have opportunities to meet both people’s needs.”
When one is a spender and the other is a saver
Budget is a very common source of tension in relationships in general, and especially on vacation.As travel can be expensive, conflicts may arise over how much to spend on meals, accommodations, souvenirs and activities,” explains Brianne Billups Hughes. On the other hand, if one partner consistently takes on more costs, the situation can become even more tense.This dynamic can lead to feelings of exploitation on the part of the higher spender and resentment on the part of the more frugal partner, who may feel marginalized in decision-making,” she completes.
If you and your partner want to spend differently, the expert advises establishing a clear budget before the trip, specifying expenses related to food, activities and other costs.Discuss and agree on a fair method. But also be flexible in how you choose to please each other so that both partners are satisfied.”she concluded.
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