Couple, “sexfriend”, “one-night stand”: young people with multiple relationships

The couple is not dead, quite the contrary

“This relational diversity is opposed to conventional discourses, both those which predict +the death of the couple+ and those announcing a +no sex+ generation which has become prudish or cautious.“, note the researchers at Ined.

“Contemporary youth is, on the contrary, an intense relational moment. The couple occupies a central place but coexists with ephemeral stories and relationships that blur the boundaries between friendship and sexuality.“, they emphasize.

This is the first study taken from the Envie survey, carried out in 2023 by the National Institute of Demographic Studies on 10,000 young people aged 18 to 29. Envie is the first survey in France to focus specifically on the sexuality of this age group, their relationships, practices or sexual orientation.

“While it has been said that this generation has little interest in sexuality, it appears that four in five have had an intimate relationship in the previous year“, explains Marie Bergström, scientific manager of the Envie survey, to AFP.

“We do not see, as is sometimes said, a rejection of conjugality: two thirds of young people (66%) have been in a relationship during the year: 72% of women and 60% of men.she notes.

But less than a third of those in a relationship are cohabiting, 9% are in a civil partnership and 7% are married.

“Job and financial insecurity make it more difficult, but they overwhelmingly express the desire to live together.“, explains Ms Bergström.

Alongside the couple (66%), there is a “repertoire” of relationships: “a one-night stand” (21%) or ongoing sexual relations or “sex dates” (15%).

26% of men and 16% of women have had a “one-night stand”, generally without romantic feelings.

Youth that lasts longer

They often meet (30%) in public places (clubs, bars, festivals, etc.) and on dating sites (21%), while couples meet at their place of study and work or through friends. Only 11% of couples met through apps.

Between the two, for 15% of young people, there is an ongoing but not engaging sexual relationship, which the people questioned call “sex date”, “sexfriend”, “flirt”, “friends with benefits” or “friendship with a plus.” “.

In these relationships that blur the line between friendship and sexuality, 29% are “rather” or “very” in love, 70% “not really” or “not at all” in love, with no notable gender difference.

“These relationships are facilitated by the fact that young men and women today live in mixed study and work environments and form friendships with the opposite sex.“, notes Ms. Bergström.

“Some people go on dates and then don’t talk until the next date; others talk all the time and occasionally have a relationship; others only have a relationship when they bump into each other at a party.“, Arthur (name changed at his request), a 21-year-old student, who has been in an “exclusive and stable” relationship since he was 14, told AFP.

“I’ve never really been in a serious relationship, but I really want to experience that.“, Martin (name changed), a 24-year-old bisexual, told AFP, who on the other hand “has had several one-night stands”.

Men are more likely to have had a “one-night stand” during the year, while women are more likely to have been in a relationship. “Sexfriends” are found equally among both sexes.

The young people surveyed may have experienced several of these patterns during the year.

21% of young people have not experienced any of these relationships in the year (24% of men, 17% of women, 38% of people who declare themselves “non-binary”).

This diversity of relationships is explained by the lengthening of the period of youth compared to a time when people married early.

“The stages of transition to adulthood – end of studies, first stable job – have been postponed in recent decades. The marital settlement is later. In the meantime, young people are experimenting“, explains the INED researcher.

Slide: The benefits of having a sex friend