Published on
updated on
Reading 3 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
Do we encounter the same difficulties as a couple at 25, 40 or 60 years old? According to a study carried out by the Coopleo platform, some of the tensions continue regardless of the age of the lovers. Others, however, evolve over time. Are you affected by any of them?
Life as a couple is not always smooth sailing, and small or big problems inevitably arise throughout the relationship. But are the ones you encounter common? A new study can tell you. The Coopleo platform, with the help of the independent firm Koréis and a committee of researchers, questioned more than 1,000 French couples on the difficulties experienced recently. Their answers give an interesting (and perhaps uninhibiting) overview of the challenges to overcome together for better harmony.
Communication problems, the number 1 source of conflict
Not surprisingly, the first difficulty that emerges from this study, all ages combined, is linked to the lack of communication and trust. They are the ones who dominate among all the people questioned, with a peak between 30-44 year olds (31% compared to 21% among 18-29 year olds and 45-60 year olds).
Trust and the way of communicating is therefore not a question of age, but rather of the couple itself… while good communication often remains the cement of a balanced union.
On the other hand, over the age of 60, this concern seems to disappear, in favor of a routine problem in the couple…. and experience of illness.
Other difficulties encountered according to age group
Beyond this observation, however, the difficulties seem to evolve according to age groups and daily concerns.
- Thus, among 18-29 year oldsthe second difficulty encountered is that of the distribution of tasks, tied with professional development, a problem specific to this age group;
- Between 30 and 44 years oldit is the distribution of the mental load which enters and comes in second position, and which persists among the 45-60 year olds;
- Financial problems only come in 3rd or 4th place in the age groups above 30.
- Sexual difficulties are only mentioned by those aged 45-60 (17% of them).
- Finally, conflicts linked to in-laws come in 5th place for all (between 15% and 21% of respondents).
The survey also reveals that problems with the distribution of mental load and domestic tasks are felt more by women than by men, as is the imbalance between work and personal life.
Renew communication: advice from our psychologist
Are conflicts inevitable for your relationship? We presented these results to Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist, who reacts mainly to the lack of communication, “an insidious problem that takes hold little by little.”. So, can we still save the relationship if this is your case?
“The answer is yes! But this requires breaking this habit of silence. Because the lack of communication is not just an absence of words, it can more often be an excess of things left unsaid. Frustrations that accumulate, misunderstandings that take root. The key is to recreate a space where we can talk to each other without fear. Not to accuse or reproach, but to understand. For example: “What is weighing you down?” or “What are you missing?” Or just “What’s wrong?””
According to her, we must also accept that not everyone expresses themselves in the same way. Some with words, others more with gestures. Learning to listen to what is said differently also means renewing the dialogue.
Her advice, at any age, or however far along your relationship is: “Resume those simple moments where we put the screens down, where we listen without interrupting, where we ask ourselves the real questions. Recreating moments together, far from everyday life, to break the routine.”
Consulting a professional, or an online course, for peaceful communication for example, is also a possibility.
Slide: The most common relationship problems