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Reading 2 min.
in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
Medical validation:
November 26, 2023
Out of weariness or a need for something new: sometimes we consider separating. But when children are part of the equation, should you stay to avoid harming them? The response from Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist.
A romantic breakup is never easy. Tensions, misunderstandings – even a certain form of violence – arise within the home. A moment that is all the more difficult when one or more young people are working within the house. The family balance is then disrupted, even fractured. So what to do in this situation? Is it better to stay and take it upon yourself, to avoid upsetting your offspring, or to leave everything and be happy?
“It’s up to everyone to weigh the pros and cons.”
The (correct) answer does not exist, according to Amélie Boukhobzapsychologist.
“The decision to stay in a relationship “for the sake of the children” is complex and emotionally charged. It’s up to everyone to weigh the pros and cons for themselves and what they think is best for their family.“, she relates. “Despite everything, I still often say one thing to parents who ask me the question: separation is always a catastrophe for a child, whatever their age. But it’s less serious than parents who argue all the time, than incessant conflicts, than a climate of tension and disenchantment.”.
Living a lie – and dragging your children into it – would not be beneficial for the whole family. And for good reason: screams, arguments and underlying tensions lead to inevitable stress in the child, who perceives a problem in the loving model represented by his parents.
Parents are “models of love”
An honest and well-done separation would, in fact, be more structuring for the children.
“The most important thing for children is to teach them what love is. Models of love. So this is also done by the couple that we represent as parents or in the case of a blended family. A couple who no longer loves each other or not, it’s difficult for children too“, recalls the expert.
Separation can sometimes even turn into “relief” for children.
“Better a good separation than a toxic couple for everyone“, confirms the psychologist.
As for the way of announcing the separation, it must be done in good understanding. That is to say without violence, without denigration and without excess.
We must also reassure children about family and parental love which continues, but also explain to them, in complete transparency, the changes to come.
Slide: Breakup: 10 things not to do