With the aging of the population and the increasing age of motherhood, many parents today have to manage their young children while taking care of their parents who are aging and becoming dependent.
Over the years, the family structure evolves. For most of us, our grandparents and great-grandparents married young and had their first child right away. Nowadays, the average age of the first child is falling, going from 29 years in the early 2000s to 31 years in 2022, according to the latest figures from INSEE. This later motherhood is explained by the fact that couples no longer meet as early as their ancestors, but also by the lengthening of studies, specifies the survey. Result: many parents find themselves having to manage their young children and their father or mother who is losing their autonomy. So, how to manage the situation while being on all fronts?
Go to your workplace, pick up the children from daycare, the nanny or school, visit your parent at home or at the retirement home, manage administrative paperwork, shopping, appointments you medical, meals, household chores and home help… This is what daily life looks like for the sandwich generation, these French people who have to manage their children and their own parents. This term invented by Anglo-Saxon demographers clearly defines these forty- or fifty-year-olds who find themselves between two essential roles. A responsibility that is all the more difficult when the child is unique and alone to support his or her parent who is losing their autonomy.
For Carole, aged 45 and mother of two children aged 2 and 5, it’s racing. But she can count on the support of her older sister, Emilie, to help their mother who, little by little, is losing her memory. Suffering from Alzheimer’s disease, the latter is no longer able to live alone. “We did everything to keep her at home, by visiting her regularly, setting up housekeeping help and delivering meals adapted to her diet (the Clapstoche company in 94)”, tells us this mother, who finally had to opt for a retirement home. Jérémy, aged 42, is the father of 5 children. With his brother and sister, they take turns supporting their mother who is suffering from cancer. “It’s not easy to live with, we try to be present while protecting the children and respecting the times when their grandmother needs to rest. We try to be useful, by providing her with what she needs on a daily basis.” this young dad tells us.
Delegating and calling on personal assistance services seems to be a solution to avoid exhaustion and the risk of overwork. Without forgetting the feeling of guilt and helplessness that threatens most of these children of the sandwich generation. A tenfold mental load which should not make us forget the state aid, always useful depending on your situation, such aspersonalized autonomy allowance (APA), the solidarity allowance for the elderly (Aspa) or even theadditional disability allowance (Asi). As for the parent losing their autonomy, they can also benefit from the immediate advance of the tax credit (the AICI), allowing them to pay only the remainder for personal services. Remember that the credit ceiling is set at 6,000 euros per year, or 12,000 euros in expenses.