In the world of work, some sentences arise or come back in a loop to the point of undermining the morale of those who receive them. Of “Is it your soth already? “ launched to a future parent at “Are you still sick?” Addressed to an seized colleague, the list is infinite. On the one hand, a harmless, clumsy or malicious remark, on the other, a collaborator in whom these apparently harmless words arouse a form of discomfort or bring back a trauma to the surface. Because under cover of humor, a plethora of “ironic” reflections have, in reality, nothing funny for those who hear them. “Tell a colleague who we know has a child, Do you take your afternoon?while he runs to seek it at the perhaps irritating crèche, especially in a company that claims to promote the balance between professional and personal life “, analyzes Philippe Zawieja, work psychosociologist, director of research for ekilibre Advice, a firm specializing in quality of life and working conditions (QVCT).
In an increasingly flexible working environment, discomfort can also come from “unsaid or unwritten tacit rules”, adds Philippe Zawieja. Also, a question like “did you have a glitch?” Can be concerned as well as the annoyance of not having been warned of a possible delay.
Knowing that we are addressed “remains a fundamental rule of social interactions, but it can give rise to frictions when” the transmitter “and the” receiver “overcut a situation after all trivial.” The presuppositions are resurfaced. This old communication theory, where the message goes through a ‘black box’ is subject to cognitive biases, filters, interpretations, overinterpretations and mesingerpretation “, analyzes Philippe Zawieja, also a researcher associated with the observatory on the Health and well-being at work at the University of Montreal.
Surprised ego?
Beyond the message itself, another factor can explain this discomfort: “We are now playing in a society where we have oversized ego with an image that we have or that we project ourselves more and more important” , develops the researcher. “Our ego can be struck by remarks that we do not feel as little benevolent and which cause our susceptibility, even our indignation. This type of remark therefore becomes less and less socially accepted”. Thus, sentences like “I don’t have time” Or “It’s not up to me to do so” are often rolled ways of getting rid of the problem of others. However, no one really has time to do something else when he works and behind this unpleasant answer, hides a refusal to help who can be a source of discomfort or suffering. This, however, remains relative. If some people live some remarks badly, would it not be the sign of increased hypersensitivity in a world of work where everything accelerates? “We all have our irritants, underlines Philippe Zawieja, from ‘Ok’ Laconique or ‘I share with you straight out of the managerial newspeter”.
“Unless I am mistaken”, “without wanting to order” or “it seems to me that” … so many expressions that we use all day long without malice, almost in automatic mode. The ideal would be to receive them with distance, without dwelling on words which, basically, remain a simple way to communicate, and especially without putting any affect. Because to fight them is to be intended to say to others what one would not like to hear yourself. Tolerate them is to learn to put their impact into perspective by detaching themselves from possible past injuries. Finally, if the situation is too heavy and as “receiver”, we find ourselves rehashing an unfortunate joke all day, it is best to talk about it directly to the transmitter. In the majority of cases, he will be surprised but he will listen, understand and have at least the opportunity to adjust his speech to prevent all this from leading to a problem that should never have taken place to start …
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