Better than punishment, here are 6 alternatives to adopt urgently according to Dr. Thomas Gordon

Dr. Thomas Gordon’s approach is based on the following stipulation: punishments are not effective with children and can be counterproductive. To further connect with your whole by setting limits, here are six alternatives to punishments from the Gordon method.

Active listening

The goal here is to understand the child’s needs behind their behavior. If they are misbehaving, it is important to take the time to listen to how they are feeling and why they are acting that way. For example, if your child has been fighting with another child, ask them why they acted that way, how they felt at the time, and what led them to act that way.

Conflict resolution without losers

To resolve conflicts, the Gordon Method advocates using negotiation techniques to find solutions that are acceptable to all parties involved. For example, if two children are fighting over a toy, it may be helpful to find a sharing solution that works for both parties.

Messages-I

It is important for parents to be able to express their own emotions without blaming the child. It is advisable to use sentences that begin with “I”. Here is an example of possible wording when the parent is affected by the child’s behavior: “I feel sad when I see that you haven’t put your toys away because the house is a mess.”

Encourage autonomy

The principle is to allow the child to make decisions and assume responsibilities appropriate to their age, such as choosing their clothes or getting involved in household chores.

Positive reinforcement

This alternative involves using rewards and compliments to encourage positive behaviors. For example, saying, “I noticed you helped your brother put his things away. That was very kind of you.”

Modeling

Modeling is behaving in the way you want your child to behave. For example, if a parent wants their child to speak calmly, it is appropriate to model this even if you are angry.

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