Bedtime: what routine should you adopt to avoid conflicts with your children?

Parents or children, you must have suffered – or been at the origin – of one of these fierce confrontations perpetrated at bedtime. On the one hand, there are the youngest, always inclined to scrounge a few minutes, or even a few hours for the most determined, to somehow avoid falling into the arms of Morpheus. On the other hand, there are the parents, torn between the desire to guarantee sufficient sleep for their toddler(s) and the desire to take a breather after a long day, whose patience is severely tested. Two rooms, two atmospheres. But in the end, a perpetual conflict which can lead parents to make decisions which will have long-term repercussions on the sleep of their child(ren).

That’s according to a new study by researchers at CS Mott Children’s Hospital, affiliated with the University of Michigan. Via of a major national survey on children’s health, well known in the United States, scientists recall the importance of “establishing a consistent bedtime routine”. And to specify: “When children don’t get enough rest, it can impact their physical development, emotional regulation, and behavior.“.

The researchers, who interviewed 781 parents of children aged 1 to 6 last February, drew two main lessons from this work: most children cannot sleep because they are anxious or worried, while some parents resort to makeshift strategies that can cause, if not worsen, sleep problems in their child(ren) in the long term. “When the transition to bedtime becomes a nightly conflict, some parents may adopt habits that work in the moment, but could put them at risk for sleep problems later“, says Sarah Clark, co-director of the CS Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health, in a press release.

A widely acclaimed routine

However, there is no reason to be alarmist. The survey shows that almost all parents (90%) say they have established a bedtime routine for their child(ren), including the traditional brushing of teeth (90%), but also reading books. one or more stories (67%), a bath (54%), a glass of water (47%), even a snack (23%). And the environment in which the child falls asleep seems just as important as the bedtime ritual. Nearly one in two parents surveyed (47%) say that the child sleeps in their own room, 21% in a room shared with a brother or sister, and 22% in the parents’ own room. To combat possible concerns related to nightfall, parents favor the night light (61%), while a minority (14%) leave the door ajar.

“The sleep environment can have a major effect on a child’s sleep quality, including falling and staying asleep throughout the night. Where possible, children should have their own bed in a quiet room, free from noise from other family members“, recommends Sarah Clark. The fact remains that some parents continue to face difficulties getting their offspring to sleep. More than a quarter of respondents (27%) say they face it regularly, including parents who are less likely to resort to a sleeping ritual. go to bed, or are more likely to turn to screens, or even stay in the same room as the child until they fall asleep.

Faced with this observation, researchers recommend not only favoring the child’s relaxation at bedtime, in other words avoiding games and activities synonymous with excitement or agitation, but also offering provide the child with a secure environment. “Although this is a normal stage of child development, it can be frustrating when parents already feel tired at the end of the day. Parents must find a balance between comfort and calming, while maintaining boundaries that allow everyone – children and adults – to get enough sleep“, adds the main author of this work. And to specify: “A predictable bedtime routine provides a sense of security and comfort and signals to the child that it is time to slow down“.

Be attentive

Helpless in the face of their offspring’s problems sleeping or falling asleep, a handful of parents (19%) say they give them “often or sometimes” melatonin, a molecule nicknamed “sleep hormone”, intended – as we will have understood – to – to promote falling asleep. To which the scientists respond: “Although melatonin is a natural hormone that regulates sleep-wake cycles and can be used occasionally, parents should not use it as a primary sleep aid.“. And added that the long-term effects of this hormone “are not known”.

But what can we do to avoid this daily conflict which can exhaust parents and children alike? The authors of this work advise favoring dialogue, whether to create emotional bonds that will reassure the child or to allow them to exorcise certain fears and worries. They also recommend reassuring the child, without implementing strategies that could be harmful to them in the long term. Instead of staying in the room, it might be more appropriate to suggest that the child come and check his environment on a regular basis. An approach “which allows us to recognize the child’s fears and offer a reassuring presence, while maintaining a calm sleep environment and encouraging autonomy in matters of sleep”.

It is also recommended to keep screens of any kind away from children’s bedrooms, and – if necessary – to eliminate naps if the child gets enough sleep at night. In all cases, parents must listen and find the right balance; which may require some adjustments depending on each child. Be careful, however, experts recommend sticking to the ritual when it is established, a particularly important point. “Consistency in applying this approach will help the child adapt and get back to sleep.“, concludes Sarah Clark.