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in collaboration with
Siyana Mincheva (Psychologist, psychotherapist)
Some are close-knit, others are rather independent… And you, how do you operate as a couple? If you tend to want to do everything alone, to the point of being hyper independent, be careful, because this can have negative consequences on your relationship. Explanations from Siyana Mincheva, psychologist.
Dependence can express itself in different ways in a couple. It can be emotional, for example, or even financial. Some people deeply reject this way of being and are, on the contrary, hyper independent in their relationship. But can it work?
Be careful not to be too independent, as a couple
According to Siyana Mincheva, hyper independence refers to “questions of stability and security in the couple, but it is a way of being that can harm one’s love life, without the person in question really realizing it“For her, being independent is a quality, but being hyper independent becomes a fault.”Having a hyper-independent character pushes us to do things alone. We are driven by an ego, which dictates our behavior and does not allow us to ask the right questions. The partner in the couple then feels neglected, even rejected because their needs are denied“.
Human beings need others
For Siyana Mincheva, this type of behavior even leads to rejecting romantic relationships. “Hyper-independent people, when they are single, will convince themselves that they don’t need anyone, that they can do everything on their own, without anyone’s help, but that’s not true.”.
For the specialist, man is “a mammal, which needs social relationships, which nourish it and make it flourish. Denying this is a mistake, but these people do not necessarily realize it and have difficulty finding balance as a couple..
Where does being hyper independent come from?
Hyper independence is the result of emotional damage caused by broken trust. “After a loss of confidence, we have residual anger, which sometimes pushes us to take our independence as an obsession. reveals the psychologist. “It is not necessary to have experienced trauma to become one, but this can often be the case..
Is it possible to correct this aspect of one’s personality and overcome this? Yes according to the expert. “Everything depends entirely on will and the fact of having a good dialogue with your ego, which plays a major role” explains Siyana Mincheva. “When you are a hyper independent person, you have to keep your ego in check because it will tell you that you can do everything alone” she concludes.
Slide: Couple: 8 symptoms of burnout within the relationship