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in collaboration with
Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
Known for her acting career, Halle Berry had a rather difficult childhood. Guest of a podcast, she spoke about the violence on the part of her father against her sister and her mother, which she witnessed. How to rebuild yourself after this trauma? The answers from our psychologist Amélie Boukhobza.
Actress Halle Berry didn’t have a very rosy childhood. When she was just a child, she witnessed the violence her father inflicted on her mother and sister when he was under the influence of alcohol.
His mother and sister were victims of his alcoholic father
Guest of comedian Dax Shepard’s podcast, Halle Berry spoke about what she experienced. Her father, Jerome, and her mother, Judith, had two daughters: Halle and her older sister, Heidi. Although their father left home when she was 4 years old, he returned a few years later.
“I saw my mother being mistreated, and I saw my sister also being mistreated by my father, but never me.” says the artist. “He never directed this rage at me and I never came between him and his rage. I always ran and hid. I did not rebel, although my sister did, and she took everything I had a lot of. guilt because I didn’t get beaten, I didn’t do anything to defend them.”
A guilt of not having been a victim, too
Asked about this feeling, psychologist Amélie Boukhobza explains that it is normal. “Witnessing violence, especially from childhood, leaves deep scars. And almost indelible after-effects. Even more so when the violence comes from his own father! We sometimes ask ourselves: “Why couldn’t I do anything?”, “Why did I watch without acting?” This feeling of powerlessness becomes, over time, shame and/or guilt.
What are the consequences of this violence when we witness it?
We often talk about the significant impact of violence on victims, but less on witnesses. Yet these people also suffer significant psychological consequences as a result of what they experience. “This impact can be multiple” explains our expert. “It can be difficulty trusting or creating stable relationships, blocked emotions or, on the contrary, too much anger.”
Seeing a parent undergo these attacks plunges us into a world of confusion and fear, necessarily. “And the younger you are, the more complicated it is due to the level of helplessness. We grow up developing a form of hypervigilance, always on the alert, in a climate where insecurity becomes almost the norm.” adds Amélie Boukhobza.
Good in his body, good in his head!
According to the psychologist, the key lies in recognizing that it is not your responsibility. “As a child or simple witness, we do not always have the power to stop this violence. So getting rid of this responsibility is more than important. Then, you have to be able to express what you saw, what you felt.” Not keeping for yourself is therefore essential. “And above all, do not let the brain construct a scenario where negative and irrational beliefs about oneself prevail… Whether with a professional or through creative practices, we must find a voice to evacuate this experience”.
Finally, reconstruction necessarily involves relearning security. “It takes time… We must allow ourselves to move at our own pace, to accept that progress may be slow, but every step counts. We can engage in healthy relationships, in which violence has no place, and build a space where trust is central. This is a process, sometimes long, but possible. Time to experience a form of serenity” she concludes.