Pattern two is the most common and is called ‘The protest polka’. “This may sound nice, but it isn’t,” Germaine explains. “In this pattern, one person is the instigator: that person tries to make contact, but does so in a way that causes the other person to withdraw more and more. Then the instigator adds even more, but that only has the opposite effect. In this way, as a couple, you get caught up in a dance of reaching out and withdrawing.”