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Some parents are too permissive with their children. Anything their dear blonde head can do suits them, with almost no limits. Is this your case? Here are the sentences that show it, according to a psychologist.
In a couple, very often, one of the two parents is more permissive than the other. If this is your case, you surely tend to allow what your spouse refuses to your children. Before this becomes a real problem for the education of your offspring, it may be worth recognizing it. And to help you, here are the phrases you probably say.
Parents who set neither limits nor expectations for their children
According to psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, who speaks in an article for Psychology Today, Permissive parenting is much more common than you might think. And to recognize it, it’s simple: “This type of parent appears attentive and warm, but tends not to set boundaries or expectations for what is acceptable.” defines the expert. Before adding: “I have seen troubled children with overly permissive parents as often as defiant children with controlling and authoritarian“.
Parents who lack authority over their child
Being a permissive parent can quickly turn into a disaster, therefore. “If parents are too lenient and fail to respond to their child’s difficult behavior, regardless of age, they lose credibility and respect. Overly permissive parents often see clearly that they have few rules and no consistent boundaries, but they struggle to change their behavior” analyzes the psychologist.
Phrases often said by permissive parents
Jeffrey Bernstein then details the phrases most frequently uttered by permissive parents. This can be, for example:
- “He will go to bed when he is tired”;
- “I’m fine if she likes to eat ice cream for breakfast”;
- “Why should I be the one to warn him and talk to him about quitting video games? He’s going to fail in school and fend for himself”;
- Or again: “She can be rude to me because I know it’s just a scene.”
Where does being too permissive come from?
The psychologist believes that the behavior of a permissive parent comes from his own childhood. “Perhaps you grew up with strict and authoritarian parents and, as a result, decided to exercise very little discipline. If so, the permissiveness is probably a reaction to your harsh and punitive upbringing.” he says first of all.
“Or maybe you don’t like conflict and have become an emotional hostage to your defiant child, for fear of experiencing more drama and chaos.” he explains again.
This educational method can be a source of shame for the parent, especially when their child becomes uncontrollable in public. If you are in this situation, it is essential to seek help in order to put your family relationships back in order.
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