At a time when the hashtag #momrage, translated as “mom’s anger”, has more than 29 million views on TikTok, Shelly Robinson, parenting coach, lifts the veil on the origin of these fits of fury. A disconcerting observation.
No, you’re not the only one who gets angry at your children! Anger is a human feeling that can sometimes make you lose control. Certified Family and Parenting Wellness Coach Shelly Robinson shared insight on why so many parents lose their temper in the face of their children’s disobedience. According to her, these reactions are linked to difficult emotions experienced in the past. We take stock.
What your angry outbursts reveal about your childhood
As Shelly Robinson explains, it’s important to analyze the cause of your anger. It is this key point that will help you unravel the threads of your emotional reactions. Here are the different situations you may face.
You are angry because your child is not listening
If you experience frustration, irritation, or other unpleasant feelings when your child overshadows what you say, this may indicate that, in the past, your child’s voice had difficulty being heard. Shelly Robinson says it may be necessary to do some introspection to think back to those events when you weren’t able to manifest as you would have liked. Pediatrician Dr. Cooper White specifies: “There are dozens of reasons why a child may not be listening at any given time, but if this inattention persists, it may be the cause of an underlying problem. In this case, it is recommended to perform a assessment of hearing and language skills to take stock of the situation.”
You are angry because your child is talking back to you
Very common behavior on the part of a child: talking back to their parents. If this has the potential to exasperate you, it may be because you, too, did not feel listened to when you were a child. Unlike the previous situation, you could be heard, but your words or thoughts were not taken into consideration.
You are angry because your child is pushing boundaries
During their development, children are required to test their parents. By going beyond the set rules, they test their patience, which can lead to feelings of deep anger. This feeling can bring up difficult memories of having your boundaries not respected by the adults in your life. Indeed, it can be the lack of recognition, ignoring emotional needs or even the violation of personal space and psychological boundaries.
You are angry because your child disagrees with you
Another common situation is that your child disagrees with you and becomes confrontational. If this reaction drives a lot of anger in you, it may be because you were not allowed to disagree with adults when you were a child. It could also be an unsafe situation for you
How can this analysis help you?
Once you manage to elucidate the reasons for your outbursts, Shelly Robinson advises to take a step back from the present moment, breathe deeply and thus regulate your emotions. It is essential to create a safe bubble for your children and maintain a healthy parent-child relationship. Parenting is a lifelong learning process, and understanding the reasons for your frustrations helps foster more effective and compassionate responses.