Published: Less than 20 min ago
For almost 70 years, only one person knew about Angelica Löwdin’s secret.
Only after her wife’s death did she come out as transgender.
– If you can be who you are, you feel good, she says.
The year is 2008, the place is London. It says Sven-Gunnar on the hotel booking. But someone else will be checking out.
Angelica Löwdin has contacted a “dressing service”, a place that helps those who want to try acting as the other gender.
– I had managed to get a wig and some clothes. The woman who met me said “Now I’ll do your make-up and then we’ll take the bus to Oxford Street, because there are some things we need to buy”. Huh? Shall we go out!? She replied, “Yes, but there’s no danger, you’re with me,” says Angelica.
Then they go on their way. And that’s when the big shock comes.
Nothing happens.
– Because people are not interested in me. They think about themselves. I had to learn how to do makeup and a few things to think about. Then she said, “Now Angelica, now you look good. Now you can go to museums and galleries like Angelica if you want.”
– Then I was Angelica for eleven days.
Knew as a ten-year-old
70 years earlier, the world looks different. Angelica was born in Borås in 1939. The term “trans” does not exist.
– It occurred to me when I was about ten that I wanted to perform as a girl. Why you know that, I don’t know. But you know that. And it was very difficult to carry it alone.
Rescue comes when Angelica, 15 years old, meets her future wife Birgitta.
They become best friends and Birgitta learns Angelica’s secret.
– It was our mutual agreement to keep it a secret. If she had lived, I wouldn’t have been out. She was more important than that, my God.
But when Birgitta dies of cancer, Angelica is once again alone with her secret. A few years before her death, Birgitta had said that she knew Angelica would come out when she was gone: “But try to look a little nice so you don’t get embarrassed.”
Went to the opera in a dress
A new world opens up in London. Angelica goes to trans clubs and meets others who are like her.
– Someone told me that it had been on a cruise. My God, do people go on cruises and come home alive? Now I’ve been to the opera’s Epiphany ball in a dress, I can go anywhere and do what I want. It’s nothing dangerous.
On shaky legs, she goes to the pharmacy, the post office, the car test, the dentist as if for the first time as Angelica. For the neighbors at home in Kålltorp in Gothenburg, she comes out to a party.
– A neighbor said “If you couldn’t be who you are, that would be too damned”. I was interesting for maybe ten or fourteen days.
Showed photos to the grandchildren
When Angelica’s daughter finds out, she is first worried that the neighbors’ children will tease Angelica’s grandchildren when they come to visit, “because of what their grandfather is up to”.
– But after a few years, she said that it might not be so dangerous.
Angelica comes home to her daughter’s family, puts photos on the table and asks the grandchildren if they see who it is. At first they don’t. When Angelica explains, the reactions are rather undramatic.
– Children care very little. When I was going home the next day, I asked my ten-year-old granddaughter if she had any questions about what we talked about yesterday. “Well, not about that, but grandpa, what is sunsting?”.
“Young people who are having a hard time”
There are advantages to coming out as an older person, Angelica thinks.
– Those who have a hard time are young trans people, they have little life experience and may not have been able to come to terms with the fact that they are trans yet, and the peers are of the same kind. But have you heard of pensioners beating up other pensioners?
Angelica explains that she often “passes quite well as a woman”. When she was at her local pub recently, she noticed in the toilet queue that another patron had a Brompton, a folding bike, and said it’s rare to see one like that.
– I learned that he had said “think the old lady saw it was a Brompton!”. I want to be able to be who I am without people stopping and staring. And neither do people. So I’m doing, personally, very well.
Counted as mentally ill
Angelica has chosen to be completely open about the fact that she is trans. She has long been a board member of FPES (Full Personality Expression Sweden). As a former professor of German, it is natural to speak in front of people and Angelica often lectures, including at Pride festivals. This week she visits Stockholm Pride.
A lot has happened since Angelica traveled to London in 2008. Just the following year, the National Board of Health and Welfare abolished the psychiatric diagnosis “transvestism”.
– On the first of January 2009 I woke up and was healthy and it was very satisfying.
A survey conducted by FPES shows that 77 percent believe that trans people should be allowed to be as they want.
– The vast majority of people you meet are not transphobic. But there are always people who don’t understand, who don’t want to understand. I usually say that when the unfamiliar becomes familiar, then it stops being remarkable.
How has your life changed since coming out as trans?
– My daughter sums it up best: Dad, you are much happier now. And I’m fine. My mother was 103 years and 11 days old and I intend to beat that. I happen to be 83 now but I have a lot left.
Facts
Angelica Löwdin about…
…to get out:
– An acquaintance has said: Coming out as trans is the opposite of what Neil Armstrong said when he landed on the moon. It’s one small step for humanity and one giant leap for yourself. That’s a very good summary of what it can be like.
… its commitment to young transgender people:
– It’s a shame that Sweden doesn’t have a new gender identity law yet. In Norway, children can live in the desired gender from the age of six. They can go to school as who they know they are. And no one can stop them. It saves a lot of suffering and suicidal thoughts.
… his name:
– According to the civil registry, my name is Andersson, and from there I took Angelica. I thought it was beautiful and I had some students named Angelica. I chose Löwdin to pay tribute to Inga Löwdin, who was a national team woman in orienteering in the 50s. She was the first woman on the Swedish Sports Confederation’s board and already in the 50s she pushed the line that girls should not have worse training times than boys.
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