To say that the Madame Web project was already doomed well before its release is an understatement. It must be said that since its genesis and from the first trailers, it gave off the sweet scent of a disaster film in the strictest sense of the term. A spin-off of Spider-Man without Spider-Man, with characters little known to the general public, suffice to say that it was jaw-dropping. Now that the film has been released, and that Sony Pictures has tried as best it can to hide it from the press and its public (no press screenings or public previews scheduled), we are in a position to to see the disaster, but also the fraud. Because yes, we are not far from false advertising. Explanations.
Very sincerely, we don’t know where to start this review of Madame Web as the result is so surreal. There’s nothing wrong with the film. The story is boring as can be, the narration non-existent, the editing so incoherent that one has the impression that it was made by a beginner, the staging is it also has a maddening flatness, the action scenes are reduced to two poor sequences that are completely botched, the special effects are awful, the dialogues are maddeningly stupid that we wonders if they were not generated by ChatGPT, and the icing on the cake, the actors give the feeling of never believing in the project. In short, it’s a disaster, but we’re still going to try to dissect this project which seems to have been validated over the head by those responsible for Sony Pictures who don’t even seem to believe in this spin- off with Spider-Women. We are going to assume that you will not go see this film, that way we can talk to you freely about it, explain to you why it is a failure, from head to toe, so it There will be spoilers. In any case, there is nothing to save in this film. On the other hand, for you, it is possible to save you 10 euros. And in these times of inflation, that’s already not bad.
MISLEADING ADVERTISING
The first extremely problematic thing with Madame Web is its marketing and seeing how misleading the trailers and teasers have been. We were sold the story of Madame Web with Dakota Johnson as Cassie Web okay, but also three Spider-Women, played by Sydney Sweeney, Celeste O’Connor and Isabela Merced. Except that we are not far from false advertising, since our 3 Spider-Women, we will see them for 15 seconds at the beginning of the film and 15 seconds at the end of the film, all in projections, dreams, like events that will take place in the distant future. It is indeed via the nightmares of the evil Ezekiel, played by Tahar Rahim that we will see the three girls with their costumes, but never in the true story of the film. So if you ever wanted to see Madame Web to see 3 Spider-Women fighting with their costumes, you will be disillusioned like never before. Madame Web is not a superhero film, it’s more of a story of a babysitter who will try to manage 3 slightly turbulent teenage girls to whom unexpected things happen to them. For 1h52, we will witness the implementation of the protection of these three teenage girls who do not yet have their powers by a young woman in her thirties who learns to control hers after an accident. The problem , is that we never manage to get involved in this story of an overwhelmed nanny, you surprise me we came to see a superhero film basically, and we find ourselves witnessing scenes of arguments between young teenagers who run away or refuse parental authority to finally find themselves standing on a dinner table wiggling to the song Toxic by Britney Spears. I don’t really know what message the director was trying to convey, but clearly, if it’s feminism or girl power, that’s completely different. tee of the plate.
It is clear that if you wanted to see a great show with Madame Web, it will also be disillusioning. In 1 hour 52 minutes, there are two action scenes in total, which are also completely missed. SJ Clarkson’s camera is maddeningly flat, and apart from a few steadycam rotations and a few low-angle shots, there is no dazzlingness in his staging. Clearly, she doesn’t know how to film action, especially since she is trapped by the fact that her main characters have no power. Cassie Web does not yet have all her faculties, knowing that it is mainly clairvoyance and the three young Spider-Women are only at the unbearable adolescent stage. So, how can we pit characters who are still at the basic civilian stage against a villain who already has full powers and who is supposed to be as powerful as Spider-Man? Well obviously that creates an imbalance. Ezekiel is capable of sticking to walls, making giant leaps, being super fast, ultra resistant and have the strength of Spider-Man, but he is never able to neutralize even once the three women, who manage to defeat him either by knocking him down or using a defibrilator. The balance of power is then reversed and this makes the issues completely non-existent. Ezekiel is even so weak in the film that the guy still gets killed by taking a Pepsi-Cola billboard in the face. The big bad Ezekiel dies because he took the S of the Pepsi-Cola billboard in the face. An antagonist who has the same powers as Spider-Man on paper. I don’t know if you realize this madness… It’s astonishing to see how the writers understood absolutely nothing about the original material. That said, since these are the same people who wrote Dracula Untold, God of Egypt, Power Rangers and Morbius, there was no miracle possible.
SPONSORED BY PEPSI
And here, since we talked about Pepsi, know that the film is a huge advertising spot for the soft drink brand, but something so crude that we wonder how it is possible to have dared write something like that. And we say good writing, because there is a whole scene that was designed just to place a can of Pepsi, no bullshit. The barbecue scene, which justifies the fact that the character Ben Parker played by Adam Scott, (yes yes he is Peter’s uncle, we’ll come back to that in a few moments), should not give any good re to Cassie Web, but a soft drink is surreal. The worst part is that Dakota Johnson will have to walk around with this can in her hands in the next scene, then put it on the small table so that we can see it clearly. Really, this scene was written for Pepsi. Just like we will find the scene of the billboard during the final scene. Complete madness! We told you about Ben Parker, a character played by Adam Scott, who also got bogged down in such a shaky project. So yes, it is indeed Peter Parker’s uncle, in his thirties, who has not yet met Aunt May, but taking into account the dates, the era, it is obvious that it is a younger version and which corresponds to a Ben Parker for Tom Holland’s Spider-Man. Nothing official, especially since there is never any allusion to Spider-Man in the film, and there is no point staying until the end of the credits, there has no post-credits scene. So much the better anyway.
For the rest, know that in terms of storyline, this Madame Web takes great liberties compared to the comics, and very sincerely, I don’t consider that a problem, it’s even very good. People who laugh because it’s not comic accurate are sincerely lacking in open-mindedness. If the films respect the comics, that’s always a plus and that’s cool, but personally, I prefer when the screenwriters try to bring their personal touch. So that Cassie Web is not a old lady of 70 years old, blind and suffering from myasthenia gravis which has paralyzed her body, that doesn’t bother me any more. Here, we are in an origin story which aims to make the character known to the general public, and above all to attract a new and young audience, which is quite logical if we want to attract as many people as possible. That the films offer their own version is not a problem, but that they do it with so much nonsense, on the other hand, is unforgivable. And on this side I have nothing to worry about respecting the viewer, we have it from the intro scene of the film which is there to introduce us to Ezekiel, the big bad guy of the film and the reason why Cassie Web is going to get her powers as a clairvoyant. An antagonist played by our own Tahar Rahim, who does everything he can to try to give consistency to his character, who is unfortunately written with feet. More cliché and Manichean as bad guy, you die. We have the impression of having returned to the naughty days of the 80s where the screenwriters did not bother with subtlety in the writing of their villains.
FRIENDLY THOUGHTS FOR TAHAR RAHIM…
Tahar Rahim does what he can, speaks English with a perfect accent, but his character is so poorly written that it’s sad to see in such a bad production. In any case, he It’s not just him doing what he can, Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Celeste O’Connor and Isabela Merced, we have the impression that they have been trapped by the project , that they were sold a bunch of films and that they discovered the scam along the way. The film cost around 80 million, and we never see this amount on screen. It looks like an old TV series, certainly filmed outdoors, also set indoors, but everything is so tight in the shots that there is no scope, that we wonder where the money went once again. 80 million is the budget of the very good The Creator by Gareth Edwards and when we know that Godzilla Minus One from Japan cost less of 15 million, we have the right to ask ourselves serious questions. Today is a cursed day for cinema in every way. Between Madame Web, Chiens & Chats and Maisonde Retraites, it’s hell in the complexes this week. Save your money and wait until next week, there are two big films coming: Sleep by Jason Yu and Realms of the Abyss. That’s cinema!
OUR RATING: 02/10
