Advocated by a shrink, the “5:1 ratio” would be the key to a fulfilling relationship. But how to apply it?

There is no such thing as a cloudless relationship. But there are couples who know how to manage and move on, and those who can suffer more lastingly, or even explode. To maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship in the long term, Dr. John Gottman, a best-selling author and renowned American psychologist, seems to have the right recipe: it’s the “5:1 ratio”!

What is the idea of ​​the 5:1 ratio?

Behind this strange name lies a technique or rule to apply in everyday life. This ratio suggests that for every negative interaction, such as criticism, defensiveness, disdain, or even passive-aggressive body language (like rolling your eyes), there should be 5 or more positive interactions to keep the relationship healthy and resilient.

The 5:1 ratio thus creates a “buffer of positivity” that helps couples manage conflicts more effectively, according to the expert.Positive interactions—like showing appreciation, expressing love, sharing laughter, and offering support—act like deposits in the relationship’s emotional bank account. These deposits accumulate over time and help buffer the impact of negative interactions, making it easier to resolve conflicts and move on without lingering resentment.” describes the magazine Forbes on this subject.

Lacking inspiration? Here are 5 ways to increase positive interactions

In theory, the 5:1 ratio is a great idea, which allows you to shift a tense situation towards kindness and more unity in the couple. But in practice, it is not so simple on a daily basis. Fortunately, the psychologist also offers various ways to integrate more positivity into your relationship. And it is not that complicated!

Express your appreciation daily

It only takes one effort, that of verbalizing your gratitude towards your partner. This can be by noticing the small attentions and efforts. By congratulating his strong points (“I love how you always know how to make me laugh”) or by celebrating even the smallest achievements.

Prioritize quality time

Spending quality time means being fully present with your partner and making an effort to connect on a deeper level. For example, couples who spend more of their daily interactions talking rather than arguing report higher levels of satisfaction. This could mean planning date nights, enjoying quiet time together (even on the couch), or showing interest in each other’s hobbies.

Apologize and forgive

Apologizing and forgiving are crucial skills because they help you handle conflict gracefully and prevent lingering negativity. The key is to do it sincerely, but also to make amends. Whenever possible, try to fix your mistakes and focus on finding solutions together. Work together to understand what went wrong and how to prevent similar problems from happening in the future.

Accept your partner’s point of view

Taking your partner’s perspective into account shifts the focus from immediate, self-centered desires to larger relationship concerns and long-term consequences. And research shows that people who take their partner’s perspective into account often feel closer, more caring, and more likely to spend time together. To do this, really listen to what your partner is saying, acknowledge their emotions, and remain open to compromise.

Keep it light, without overdramatizing everything.

Research also shows that humor is one of the best predictors of relationship satisfaction, making it a valuable tool in any relationship. It can diffuse tension, create positive interactions, and strengthen your emotional connection. So share jokes, tease each other, and laugh together at everyday situations. You’ll be closer together for it.

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