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Feel like you’re seeing less of your friends since you found the one? It’s not just a feeling: According to research on the subject, on average, having a new romantic partner pushes two close friends out of your inner circle.
Every time you fall in love, you gain experience and affection but… you lose friends. A finding studied by Oxford University a few years ago but which seems to be confirmed today. Wouldn’t there be enough room for everyone?
One lover = two friends?
The study set up by Professor Dunbar, director of the Institute of Cognitive and Evolutionary Anthropology at Oxford, asked 540 people (428 women and 112 men) aged 18 to 60 to fill out questionnaires designed to assess the quality and quantity of their daily friendships. The results confirmed what other studies had detailed in advance: most people have around five or six very close friends, those they see every day or to whom they would turn in a crisis, even if women generally have slightly more than men. But, surprisingly, this number would drop, in the event of a new encounter:
“When they enter into a romantic relationship, that number drops to five, one of whom is their new partner.”the study suggests.This means that two people who were once considered best friends are being demoted to second best.” In other words, you usually trade two friends for your lover.
Feeling good in your body, feeling good in your head!
The all-consuming nature of your in-game story
“We just showed that if you have a romantic relationship, it actually costs you two friends.”said Professor Dunbar. But how can this be explained? While there is no very scientific explanation for this effect, the researcher believes it simply reflects the way in which the all-consuming nature of a new romance leaves less time for other close friends and crowds them out.
“If you don’t see someone, your emotional commitment to them diminishes over time. I think your attention is so focused on your romantic partner that you no longer get to see friends you used to have a lot of contact with.”
The good news though? This is all an observational study that doesn’t imply any inevitability. If you realize that you’ve been neglecting your friends since you’ve been in a relationship, you can also take stock and decide to set aside a little time in your schedule for the people who are close to you.
Slide: My friends don’t like my partner