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Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)
At the age of 25, Carole Gaessler lost her partner. How do you survive early grief, especially when you lose the love of your life? We asked Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, the question.
This Sunday, May 19, France 2 broadcast a new issue ofA Sunday in the countryside, a hit show presented by Frédéric Lopez. This weekend, the host received journalist Carole Gaessler. The opportunity for the host to return to a painful event: the sudden loss of her first love, Laurent.
“Your life becomes fragile, everything stops”
It was during an ordinary evening, where nothing suggested such a tragedy, that Carole Gaessler lost the man of her life. While she was waiting for Laurent to join her in a hotel, the host was worried to see him delaying without receiving any news.
She then decides to contact the highway information service. A gentleman answers, disturbed, and invites him to contact the firefighters.
“There, I was told that he died instantly. A truck arriving opposite swerved, hit a safety barrier and Laurent crashed into the truck“, confides the journalist on the set.
From then on, his life turned upside down. “Your life becomes fragile, everything stops. For a year, I hardly saw my parents.” And for good reason: to overcome her grief, Carole Gaessler decides to get closer to her in-laws.
“I was at their house all the time, they were truly exceptional people who considered me their daughter. They were great“, she revealed. And to specify: “I’m crying because, at one point, I decided that I couldn’t continue seeing them, it was too much, it was complicated for me.”.
Since this tragedy, Carole Gaessler has rebuilt her life with Franck, a Breton business manager.
Early bereavement: what impact on adults today and tomorrow?
Early mourning, especially when the circumstances are tragic, is extremely difficult, recalls our expert, Amélie Boukhobza.
“It imposes an abrupt transition in a person’s identity and life roles, and can profoundly influence their personality and perspective on the world. she explains, before continuing: “Losing your partner suddenly (or not, for that matter), is not without consequences on your life. It’s as if suddenly, everything fell through. Future plans, life expectations common and shared goals are suddenly called into question or canceled. This will obviously lead to a reassessment of life priorities and often a feeling of social isolation,” she confides.
This mourning is even more exacerbated when children have already been born.
“For example, we may no longer want to see the people we previously saw as a couple, as if to avoid having to confront the loss even more. Or so as not to have to talk about it any further”, explains the specialist.
Grief transforms
Of course, losing your romantic partner impacts your deep self and therefore your personality.
“This means that the widowed person may become more reserved, cautious or suspicious of new relationships. She may also become more resilient and empathetic, as a result of having deeply experienced loss and pain. confides Amélie Boukhobza.
After such an event, the way you approach life also changes.
“Grieving can give rise to a new appreciation of life, an urgency to live fully or a refocusing on what is perceived as essential. On the other hand, it can also lead to increased anxiety, withdrawal or fear of further losses or even awareness of the possibility of one’s own death. concludes the expert.
Slide: Grief: books to help your child