A friend uses the name you wanted to give to your future baby? Why is it so annoying?

A friend uses the name you wanted to give to

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    in collaboration with

    Amélie Boukhobza (Clinical psychologist)

    Stupor! While you had already shared your wishes for a first name for a future child during a discussion, you learn that a friend, cousin or colleague has taken up this first name for their own child. Why do we see this as theft? Our psychologist’s response.

    On the announcement, or the text message announcing the birth of a loved one’s baby, all you see is this, written in full: the first name is the one you have cherished for a long time and which you had chosen for your children. The worst ? You had brought it up publicly, so the person couldn’t ignore it. A detail that can be felt as a real betrayal, especially when the person is part of your intimate circle. But why is this choice of “first name” so violent?

    The violation of an imaginary property “right”

    Consulted on the subject, psychologist Amélie Boukhobza evokes a very thorny subject which touches on deep and complex emotions, behind these few letters: “It’s completely normal to be furious, we feel like our child’s identity is being stolen from us!” she evokes spontaneously.

    Indeed, choosing the first name for your unborn child, whether original or not, is a very personal and thoughtful process, which involves a lot of emotions and thoughts about the future. A visualization, even important values.

    “It’s as if the first name we decide on would direct the entire destiny of our child…. So if a loved one uses the same first name, it can be felt not only as a violation of a sort of “right to imaginary “property” on this first name, but also as a loss of singularity. Even as a betrayal or a lack of respect in the face of established trust.

    Enough to be disappointed and frustrated, even if your child is still only a project.

    Keep it secret for as long as possible

    To avoid finding yourself in this kind of uncomfortable situation, our expert reveals the only procedure to follow: never reveal your child’s first name in advance or the one that really makes us fall in love, if the baby is still only a project.

    “This discussion must remain between the two parents! We can of course talk about first names, the kind we like or decide to question each other for opinions or proposals, but in no case share our final decision that is ours.

    And if the subject comes up on the table in a friendly or family meeting, and everyone is talking about first names, don’t let yourself be influenced… Someone might well take inspiration from it!

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