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Famous Korean psychiatrist and author Rhee Kun Hoo shares some of his best tips for achieving happiness.
Achieving happiness is a universal goal. Who doesn’t want to be fundamentally happy? But to live to be 90 or 100 – without ruminating about the past – a certain mindset must be adopted. Dr. Rhee Kun Hoo, Korean psychiatrist and author of the book “As long as you live to be 100, you might as well live happily.” (ed. First) gives us instructions for learning resilience and experiencing (finally) “ordinary” happiness. Decryption.
Don’t regret the past
First point and not least: you must accept your past.
“No matter how many regrets you have, you can’t change the past. If you sometimes wake up at night full of anxiety and regret, take this as a sign that you need to accept your life as it is. Regretful or fulfilling, it is yours. You can no longer undo the mistakes you made in the past. Didn’t you do your best after all? It’s time to congratulate yourself a little, you deserve it“, explains the doctor.
Letting go of the future
Another fundamental principle to be (finally) happy: accept uncertainty and the unknown. Because stressing will not prevent future events from unfolding.
“No matter how well prepared you think you are, you won’t be able to escape the inevitable process of aging and loss that awaits you.“, assures the psychiatrist.
It’s only in “letting go” that you can fully enjoy the present moment.
Taking a step back from the illness
As we age, the body inevitably becomes more vulnerable. It is therefore better to accept the effects of time, to live more peacefully.
“As you age, your health deteriorates, it’s only natural. […] The human body itself has this nature of irreversibility. It is inevitably doomed to decline and ultimately, to a total cessation of all its functions. And no one has ever managed to thwart this destiny“, recalls the doctor, who reveals that he suffers from 7 different pathologies (diabetes, hypertension, herniated disc, kidney stones, coronary artery disease, etc.).
“At the beginning, I tried to improve my condition: I went on a diet. But this effort was difficult to maintain. In the end, I understood that I had to accept these health concerns as “unavoidable companions instead of seeing them as problems to be solved, so I changed my mindset to focus on ways to keep them at bay instead of trying in vain to get rid of them.” he explains.
The psychiatrist does not, however, rule out the idea of getting help: he even invites patients to “ftrust doctors” and to follow the treatment(s) adapted to his condition.
“In terms of health, don’t make overly ambitious plans: instead learn to manage your worries by following your treatment. Remember, life can still be enjoyable if you manage your conditions well“.
Ask your parents
Out of habit or modesty, it is common not to question your parents (too much). Over time, they become almost strangers. An error, according to the author.
“Even as we live in the shadow of our parents, we almost never find out how they became who they are. What we think we know is the tip of the iceberg, and we usually leave our parents without a glimpse of what lies beneath the surface. How can we understand our own life if we don’t understand that of our parents? Their history contains hidden clues essential to understanding our existence“.
The psychiatrist refers to his own experience with his father. Long after his death, he learned that he was one of the leading figures in the March 1st Movement for Korean Independence… and that he had been kicked out of his high school.
“JWas I stunned: my father, resolutely a stickler for principles, had been expelled from his high school?“.
Learn to be grateful
Gratitude is essential to being (and staying) happy.
“As we age, we must accept life as it is and learn to be grateful. Only this acceptance will allow us to experience the peace and contentment promised to us in old age.“, explains the doctor.
Know how to forgive
Knowing how to forgive is crucial to freeing yourself from the burden of resentment and anger.
“Nothing is more terrible than being hurt by someone you see every day“, says Dr Kun Hoo. However, there always comes a time when we must forgive. “Without this, you will be confined in resentment, you will continue to suffer without seeing a way out of this hell.“.
Forgiveness thus allows you to preserve your own mental health.
“To paraphrase a Buddhist saying, resentment is a hot coal that you hold in your hand to throw at someone, but you are the one who ends up getting burned“, reports the psychiatrist.
Good in his body, good in his head!
Knowing how to surround yourself (well)
Finally, last but not least: learn to nourish your social relationships. Because as we age, finding ourselves isolated is much more common.
“The simplest way is to practice group activities, recommends the doctor. Do you want to go on a trip? Rack your brain to find the most wonderful destinations. You will easily find traveling companions who share your tastes. Start smaller: if you enjoyed a dish, share it with someone later. It may seem trivial, but it’s the act of sharing itself that counts“, reveals Dr Kun Hoo in conclusion.
Slide: How to be happier